The Real Secret to Keeping Your Man

You’ve landed a great new boyfriend – he’s smart, funny, kind… and just so happens to be super hot.

So what’s the problem?

Now that you’ve actually got him, you’re worried you’re going to lose him.

What if he realizes you’re not good enough for him?

What if he finds someone prettier than you?

What if he abandons you?

Wait, before you become racked with insecurity and jealousy, watch this week’s video. In it, I reveal the real secret to holding onto any man – even if you secretly think he’s out of your league…

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39 Replies to “The Real Secret to Keeping Your Man”

  1. This is such an eye opener. I mean, insecurities occur all over the corner when you love someone. And you can’t control someone hotter to come along our ways, but you do control lot of things than be just hot. You gotta make the most out of the things under your control.

  2. Another great one, Matthew. So positive, adding value to oneself instead of focusing on controlling others. Bringing substance to the table is more like it. Thank you.

  3. I hear your advice Matt and it is very positive. But relationship is not always ups and highs.. What if you’re at your lowest in your life and you cant bring anything in the table anymore.. Are you not worthy of love and commitment anymore?
    This is my situation right now. For over a year in my relationship it’s been good..until the second semester of nursing school came and now i gotta focus in school and cant really bring anything in the table anymore. Now my bf keeps telling me he wants a break and dont know whether he wants me or not anymore. So basically if you’re not bringing anything in the table, he can just kick you out whenever he wants

    1. Please Matt i wish you can reply.
      I’ve been a fan eversince day one. Idk if you remember me but I’m Pauline from Dallas! The one who before we took a picture together, you told me i smell good
      :)
      I followed your advice in Get the Guy book and successfully got my guy, but 2 years has passed by and now im losing him..

    2. Hi Pauline,

      I wanted to reply and see if I can help you shift your perspective. I’m going to be honest but also hopefully empathetic! I’m doing a meducal degree as a graduate and so I get the feeling of being consumed by a study goal n feeling very focused on that. But and this is a big but, honestly I think you CAN still bring a lot to the table! It may be about shifting a focus from quantity of time to quality of time. You will need several things irrespective of your guy to get through the course: food, sleep and time out to let your brain and motivation recharge. Share these with him! When you eat together make sure to turn your phone off and put away that nursing textbook, focus on him and also maybe talk about the things you look forward to doing after your course. If things are shaken and it feels weird talking about your plans as a couple then talk about a hobbie u cat wait to start! Remember talk positively-not I wish I could (moan) but I can’t wait to (excited = interesting/sexy/hope for future). My Boyf is also in a v stressful time with study so we talk about holidays after, going cycling oh and he laughs with me about all the stuff I’m excited to do when I finish (it’s a long dreamy list!).
      Choose foods he loves, put a bit of thought into it, it doesn’t have to be time consuming. Honestly-if you can’t make time to switch off over food and to make some effort to show u want to see him
      Happy (he loves mango u buy mango) then I can see why he wants a break.
      He is thinking-well I’m 0% on the priorities list, you say “I have nothing to offer” which suggests you’re expecting him to just give and put up with it. If I were him I’d think how will it be different when she works or has kids. My partner n I say often to each other that we are important, that our time HAS TO be found even if it’s late dinner and sleep. We do study buddy dates too and if your guy doesn’t study maybe get him to be your patient (no catheter practice though please :p, test u on revision cards or do his own thing in same room like read.
      I think a shift in attitude and recognising you need quality time out could do the job. Here’s a brutal bit-when I read your thing at start about being at lowest point with nothing to give I expected u to go on to say u had lost someone close, had a terrible illness or some major tragedy. Then it would be so different, but a Uni course? I am doing medicine and dealing with a new diagnosis (nothing tragic. But fairly major) with lots of symptoms, tests n appointments etc, it’s tough, I cry at him sometimes, but I’d never say I have nothing to offer. Thinking of how to make him smile n show I care makes ME feel good-especially when he does like what I do. I also see it as caring for me and “us” to manage my stress levels n do stuff like relaxation so I’m not a total stress head.
      Maybe also check out 5 love languages n figure out which your boy is-then u can focus efforts on the most effective way to show u care. I hope that helps!
      X

      1. Nice question from Pauline and your answer is very thoughtful, empathetic and practical. I love seeing our blog community answer each other. You have some wonderful ideas.

    3. If he won’t support you when you need his support, do you really need him in your life? Sure, you have a bond with him and it hurts that he isn’t there for you when you need him. But knowing he’s not there for you means he’s not the guy you deserve. I think it’s better to realize it sooner than later.

    4. I agree with both the previous comments. He does need to support you, but you also need to show him he is important to you otherwise there is nothing.

      You say you have nothing to offer because you are busy, but why does being busy mean you have less to offer. Sure you have less time and being a student even less money but not less you.
      Include him in your studies if he isn’t into study buddy sessions ask him even if it’s a strip study and every time you get an answer right he strips when you get it wrong you strip, or the other way if you prefer. Throw in a few advanced questions you haven’t covered yet so neither of you are the only ones stripping. Give him a few hours of your time, dinner, a massage, game, a couple drinks, dress up just for him, maybe wear his favorite outfit and stay in, if you were sexual before be sexual now and never ever tell him or make him feel like you have nothing left to give him. Like it was said by someone else talk to him. Tell him about your day, ask him about his and listen. Invite him to share in your life not just stand on the outside of it and miss what you had. Laugh with him about the bad joke the teacher made in class. Let him know that seeing him is the best part of your day. Tell him you love how even if classes have you stressed to the max you can just be with him and relax. Like they said say what you want to do together when all this is over. Maybe it will be as simple as going on a real date to that little 50’s diner down to road and getting the biggest juicest hamburger and fries and share a banana split with them or a romantic week long camping trip with some new “special” nighties you can’t wait for him to see.

      No one wants to be the person that loses out to everything else and told I have nothing left to give you, because that means all your love and energy is going someplace else and they are not important enough for evena sliver of your time or love. Knowing you’ll always be last, something will always be more importants than you, school, work, family, friends, animals, children, there will always be something taking their time and attention and there will never be enough left over for you is a hard place for someone to be and no one should ever be asked to endure it.

  4. great advice and yes, lets hope that love wins in the end but Matt, why are your hands so white compared to the rest of your arms?

  5. Thank you!
    The situation you’ve described is the one I am right now. Adding the work travels too. We are facing a crisis and I am really sure he is seeing other people but told he’s not.
    Despite what might going on, I will sleep in peace.
    Thank you again!!

  6. I like your message. Control the things we can control.

    Since we’re on it, I feel myself growing more and more as a person watching your videos. I know they’re designed to help land us a great guy, but along the way, I’m learning new things, learning new skills (as advised), and feel that I like myself a bit more. And for that, Matt, thank you.

  7. Guys, I just found out that the guy I started dating recently has slept with one of my friends…I can’t see him now, I totally lost interest, can’t get the picture out of my head and her comments, and I do not know what to do.

    1. Is it something that happened before you started seeing him? If so, what is it about it that is really bothering you? That he’s been with someone else, that it was someone you know, that it was your friend or it was that friend? If you really don’t want to be with him because he’s been with your friend tell him. Let him know it doesn’t make you uncomfortable and it’s not because you are jealous. and tell him what the real reason you lost interest in him was. As for your friends comments whatever they may be you can always ask them to stop. Tell them it bothers you and a good friend will respect that. Some people will make jokes and comments because they rewlly do think it’s funny or they are trying to lighten the situation or make it a kittle less awkward others do it because vecause they are jealous or hurt and they are trying to bring that out in you or make you uncomfortable. It would be helpful when you talk to your friend if you know where they are coming from so you can approach them with compassion and understanding if it’s jealousy or hurt.

    2. Relationships entail a certain degree of mutual respect. If people don’t respect you, move on and find the type of decent people who will.
      Sounds like your head is telling you not to see that guy again – I just hope you have enough sense to dump that woman, so called “friend” too.
      There are people in the world that wouldn’t do that to you because of their values, you just have to recognise them by the standard they live their life at. Like Matthew says :)

  8. When u r just focused on how to improve yourself as each day goes. .jotting else matters..A man who loved u for who u r won’t leave u..then why all those insecure feelings. ..focus on being your best..with or without him..It will make u the hottest of all ;) u ll be way beyond comparison:)

  9. How can you tell when your boyfriend is getting tired of you . Should i let him to have some alone time. Or should ask him questions and type of questions should i ask him

  10. Matthew – can you talk about what values or principles, specifically, that it is you source-reference when you draw your advice for questions?

    Where is it that the answers come from?

    Thanks!

  11. Hi Matt,

    Each of your video is an ultimate piece of wisdom that radically changes life to the better. I really admire you and recommend your blog to every woman I care about. Thank you for showing people the truth among all the ignorance, manipulation and lie walking around.

    Your huge- huge fan,
    Elena

  12. I really like this video–it is, as Matthew says, getting back to basics, but it’s a good thing to remind oneself every now and then.

  13. Hi Mathew!
    I have a great openness and a great attitude about myself, but my problem is, I seem to find guys who are intimidated by my affection. When I talk to them for a few months, a year, and have gone on a few dates here and there. But mostly just through flirtation, as soon as I bring up a relationship, wanting to be a girlfriend, wanting more than the flirting and letting things be the way they are, it never fails I get the whole “you’re perfect, you’re beautiful, funny, smart, and the sweetest person I have ever met. BUT, I am not ready for a relationship.” Two men finally admitted a few months later that it was because I was too easy to want to be in a relationship to commit that I “chased” them and that that is not what guys want they want to “chase” the girl.

    Why is that so imperative to the beginning of a new relationship? If I am this so called perfect girl, why does it matter if I am the one to bring up the relationship topic and not them?

  14. In need of advice please. Anyone who has any ideas of what to do I’d love to hear it. I’m a single mother just starting to date again and I don’t want to fall into the same pattern as before of relationships that last 1~5 years then done.

    I’ve been told, too many times to count, I’m odd because I don’t get jealous.
    I’ve only been in a relationship with one maybe two people I’ve been physically attracted to, but even with them I didn’t get jealous. I’ve always looked at it as I’m with them and if they wanted to be with someone else they would be with them not me. I have been cheated on by a few people, but it hasn’t changed how I feel.

    I’ve been told my lack of jealousy is an issue by men I’ve been in relationships with.

    One of the guys that cheated on me said he cheated on me because he wanted me to get jealous. I kind of laughed at him while I helped him pack his things into the truck and hauled them to his buddy’s place. Yeah I had giggle fits when I saw him for a week and for some reason I ran into him and his friends everywhere I went for two weeks.
    He wasn’t the only one to tell me my lack of jealousy was a problem in our relationship. A few gentleman told me they felt I didn’t care enough about them because I didn’t get jealous, another guy told me I thought I was better than him because I didn’t get bothered by him talking to women or that his best friend of 15 years was a woman.
    I’m not sure what to do about this type of thing. I’m not going to waste my energy being jealous, but I’m not sure how to get men who feel this way to understand that my lack of jealousy is not a lack of feelings for them but rather confidence in our relationship and a trust in them.
    I’ve tried telling men when we are dating and decide to start a relationship that I don’t get jealous because I know they are with me and they can look and talk to anyone they want all I ask is they are faithful and honest. It doesn’t always work or attract the right kind of person. So I’m open to suggestions other than pretending to be jealous.

  15. I appreciate your putting out there the notion that „love tends to win”.
    This affirmation is on the right track when you look at it from an universal perspective (love is at the centre of everything that exists, in fact) and very inspiring if you look at it from a human perspective.
    Good job :-)

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