Tired of 😢Dating BS and Ready for ❤️Something Real? This Is for You…

I’m about to share something very cool with you in today’s video, including some of my most powerful communication tools for having the difficult “exclusivity conversation” with a guy.

But first… The response to my last video about the stages of commitment has been truly incredible, and I want to sincerely thank you for all your heartfelt and honest messages. My team and I have read hundreds of your responses, and we couldn’t be more  moved and excited about the number of women who are ready to say “no” to being casual, to find a real relationship, and to take control again in love.

I am so done with wasting time this year – are you? I hope so…

Learn How to Go From Casual to Committed
Tap Below to Watch This Secret Training…

We’ve been talking about many things over the last couple of weeks. We’ve been talking about current dating culture and the toxicity of it. We’ve been talking about how the fear of being alone and no one good coming along, making us overvalue the connection we have, and when we overvalue the connection that we have instead of real investment, we start to lower our standard to keep it. We don’t get real relationships anymore. We get pseudo relationships. We get flaking, breadcrumbing, ghosting. We get poor treatment. When we lower our standards, we don’t get people’s respect. We don’t get real relationships. We get the scraps. If we want to change that, we have to start changing our standard.

Now, people have been loving what we’ve been saying. Tons of you loved the castle. The amount of castle emojis I have seen in the last week, Jameson, I’ll be honest, it’s the most I’ve ever seen. In case you’re not aware of the castle metaphor from the last video, I talked about how a real relationship is two people building a castle together, two builders, but if you’re just there building a castle and the person that you have a connection with is nowhere to be found, then you’re trying to build a castle on your own. That’s not a relationship. That’s why it’s dangerous to overvalue the connection and undervalue the castle.

What you’re about to see is a prime example of someone who created her own kind of hell because she overvalued the connection and undervalued the castle. By the way, for those of you who have been saying in the comments, “Matt, I 1,000% agree with you. I want to raise my standard. I want to ask for something different, but I want to be able to do it in a way that doesn’t just drive everyone away. How do I communicate these standards?” At the end of this clip, I’m going to show you exactly how.


Audience Guest: “So, I work with a guy that I’ve been dating, and we’ve been together for about two and a half years, but he’s still not ready.”

Matthew: “You’ve been dating him for two and a half years.”

Audience Guest: “Yes.”

Matthew: “And he’s still not ready for what?”

Audience Guest: “To be in a relationship, but we’re much further than that. I know.”

Matthew: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, that’s okay. Save the moans because you’re all doing stupid shit too. [Audience laughter]. Me too, by the way. Trust me, me too.

“Right now, you’re in a situation that’s not working for you, right?”

Audience Guest: “Yeah.”

Matthew: “Logically, you want to be done with it.”

Audience Guest: “I think so.”

Matthew: “Emotionally, you don’t, which is why you said, ‘I think so.’”

Audience Guest: “Yeah. Yeah.”

Matthew: “Correct? Right.”

Audience Guest: “Like it’s probably the right thing to do, but I can’t do it.”

Matthew: “Because I’m sure you’ve had conversations with him about this where you’ve talked about how much it sucks for you.”

Audience Guest: “Yeah.”

Matthew: “In those moments, do you think, is he an emotionally intelligent enough man to recognize the pain he’s causing and for him to feel that pain as well?”

Audience Guest: “Yeah. So, a lot of our conversations when it comes to that, like I’m not the only one that’s in tears—”

Matthew: “Yes. Okay, good.”

Audience Guest: “… and then it makes it worse for me.”

Matthew: “Yep. Well, now, you go, ‘Now, I don’t even know who the victim is.’ Yeah.”

Audience Guest: “Yeah. Yeah. That’s exactly what it is. Yeah.”

Matthew: “So, yeah. Let’s look at the reality of this from what I can see a distance, right, and forgive me what I don’t know. This doesn’t work for you.”

Audience Guest: “No.”

Matthew: “It doesn’t really work for him either. I would bet money on the fact that he wishes he had the guts to walk away, but he doesn’t either. Whatever it is about this situation isn’t working for him. Now, we don’t know why. You might have some insight into why, but we don’t know why, but we could take two or three easy guesses.

“One, he has negative associations with relationships and feels like a relationship would trap him, and he doesn’t want to be trapped.

“Two, he is still, in his mind, living out some fantasy of the single man he wants to be, and he still thinks somewhere in here, he’s going to be James Bond or live out a bunch of sexual adventures or things that are going to happen for him, and he can’t quite settle down just yet because he hasn’t done that yet, and he’s worried if he does settle down with you right now, he’ll always regret that, and he won’t be able to be faithful in that relationship, so it’s easier for him to be in this limbo with you—”

Audience Guest: “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

Matthew: “… than to hate himself even more by making a promise he can’t keep. He already doesn’t like himself, by the way, because when you’re doing this to someone, especially someone you care about and if you’ve been doing this for two and a half years, I’m pretty sure he cares about you. He doesn’t like doing this to someone he cares about, but he still can’t figure out what he wants

“Or THREE, you’re not the right person for him, and he’s going to leave you when he finally has the guts to, and four weeks later, he meets someone else who’s more right for him, and he’ll be in a relationship, and you’ll be like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Audience Guest: “Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah.”

Matthew: “Right? So, I don’t know it could be any of those, it could be all of those. We don’t know. What we know is that this isn’t working for you, it’s not working for him, and neither of you has had the strength to leave. So, one of you has to get stronger, and you would be crazy to hope that one day he’s going to be strong enough to do what you can’t do because he may never get that strong, and he might do this to you forever. When you get strong enough to walk away, he’ll find someone else he can do it to, and he’ll feel just as bad with her, right? You can’t wait around for him to get strong. I need you to start valuing this whole thing differently when you look at your life. How old are you right now?”

Audience Guest: “I’m 25.”

Matthew: “You’re 25. Okay. You’re young, right?”

Audience Guest: “Yeah.”

Matthew: “That won’t last long.”

Audience Guest: “Definitely not.”

Matthew: “It will go. It will go. When you’re 40, you’ll be looking at a picture of yourself when you’re 25 saying, ‘Oh, my God. What was I thinking?’ When you’re 60, you’ll look at a picture of yourself at 40, and you’ll go, ‘Oh, my God. What was I thinking?’ When you’re 80, you’ll look at a picture of yourself at 60, and you’ll say, ‘What was I thinking?’ Right?

“These are not years now to be wasted. By the way, go make mistakes. Do that. Go make a ton of mistakes, but make some new fucking mistakes. [Audience clapping].”


Ladies, my friends, we don’t have time. We sit there wasting time, addicted to comfort, addicted to the connection we have even though it’s not nourishing us, it’s not giving us what we want, even though deep down, it’s making us unhappy. We’re addicted to the comfort of it, but I promise you, a different kind of pain is coming. The pain of regret, the pain of lost time, the pain of the dreams you had for your relationship, for having a family, for doing the things you wanted to do in your love life not coming true, and that pain is so much worse than the pain of just having a standard right now.

I know that so many people are afraid to have a standard because they say, ‘Matt, I don’t know how to employ my standard. Even if I decide right now, I’m going to set a new standard with this person or with the men I date in my life, I don’t know how to do it.’ I had a comment just like this that was sent to me after my last video.

“Hey, Matt. Great video, completely identified with it, but I have some questions on the last bit of it. If he’s not treating you right, how do you send the message of, ‘Hey, I don’t accept this,’ without literally saying that and then getting him to value you more? Thanks. Laura.”

Well, I’m going to show you because the first step is deciding to have a new standard. The second step is coming with me right now and learning how to communicate your new standard confidently and competently.

I have a video training for you that I’m going to give you for free that shows you how to navigate one of the most popular questions I get asked, how to go from casual to exclusive, how to go from seeing someone you have a great connection with to actually being in a relationship with them. I walk one of my clients through this step by step, and as you watch me coach her, you’re going to see a completely new way of communicating your standards, so come with me now to watch that free video training. It’s at HowToGetExclusive.com.

All I ask in return is to leave me a comment under that video. Let me know how it impacted you. Go to HowToGetExclusive.com. Let’s graduate from theory, and start actually putting this into practice in your life.

I’ll see you there.

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24 Replies to “Tired of 😢Dating BS and Ready for ❤️Something Real? This Is for You…”

  • This conversation between u and the 25year old client was great..Sometimes we are afraid to leave some relationship and deep down we know,we are not happy within such relationships.Thanks so much Matthew..

  • `Go make a ton of mistakes, but go make some new f****** mistakes`
    … you`re right. Thank you!

  • I’ve been dating J for almost two years and after a happy and committed time we’re now having a break because he’s simply not sure what he wants and completely lost. I really love him and wanted to be understanding and caring because me myself I’ve struggled with fears of commitment. But reading your conversation with the studio guest just killed me. Yes this isn’t working out for either of us and I need to stand up for myself. I need to stop thinking “if only this or that”. It hurts so much because it makes me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I’ve put all my love and energy but as much as my head know that both have to be putting in this love and energy, in my heart I still feel like I failed. I know I need to move on because I can’t put my life and happyness on hold just so that hopefully one day he can be ready. By then I’ll be just a shadow of myself. So I need to find the strength and end it to get out of this limbo that’s killing me.

  • Hey Matt, I completely agree with what you said. I really am addicted to a connection with this guy but there’s really nothing more to us than that. He lives miles away and we are just texting and talking but we both know that it’s never gonna be more than that. I will upgrade my standards and respect my values and belief by not accepting that he’s the only one I can have that special connection with. I will find it again with someone who is ready and available to be with me. Thank you for the tips ❤️

  • Hey Matt, Thanks for doing what you do!

    I truly believe we, women in particular way, need to change our mindsets and approaches towards the real meaning of being with someone.

    I love your mission on shedding light on this intricate topic and yet not fully mastered human behavior.
    Society has been influencing these natural dynamics distorting the real meaning of affection and confusing the real value of creating what we were designed for!

    We definitely need to reset our minds in order to start working on generating more authentic, healthy and constructive relationship.
    For us and for future generations.



  • Hi Matt,
    Every time I enter my name and email for any of the exclusive content u offer through an emailed link, I NEVER get the email! I check my junk box too and it’s not there. I’m from Canada, so I don’t know if that makes a difference and u only offer this to certain countries? Please look into this as this has been happening for yrs and I just assume it’s a trick to get my email. Or let me know what I can do to get the email links. Thanks!

    1. Hi Jaclyn!
      Is is possible you have unsubscribed from our emails? If you think this has happened and want to receive information from us please email support@howtogettheguy.com and let us know : )
      Charlotte -MH Team

  • Dear Matthew,

    Thank you for your Content I really feel how real and empowering your message is!
    Since the 3years you influence my life it changed me and myself approaching life I immersed myself in all of your content and i transitioned from knowing intellectually what you say to really living the mindset of a high value person who cares about people anybody who lets him/herself be changed by you and your message will live a fuller richer and more beautiful life with love in it Real love the kind of Love that reflects through actions…
    go to the retreat if you guys can it’s an investment in your own heart!
    XXX Laura

  • I have the problem with the fact my standards are too high. I dont meet any single men who are my age who believe in God, are willing to date a single mom of an 11 yo boy, and who has a typical “mans job” of driving tractor trailer for a living. I’m a little threatening to their Male egos. Lol. I also am severely allergic to smoke, wont date drinkers or drug users..including pot smokers (here in Canada is legal now) and I despise facial hair. Oh! I also have 4 cats and a chihuahua! I will be alone forever.

  • Hey your awesome this may be a bit weird but I’m not in a relationship nor have I ever been I do watch your videos so that when the time is right and I do want a relationship I want it to be the best it can be so while I’m not ready for that yet thanks to your videos when I am I won’t make the same mistakes that most women do.

  • Hi Matthew, I really like your video and sometimes I use your words with boys. Btw you have been talking about having standards. I do but I think probably this is the problem that doesn’t allow me to find a boyfriend. I’m 25 and I never had a serious relationship. I’m not freaking out to find a boyfriend and my life is very busy, also my job (flight attendant) makes the things more difficult but the problem is that when I don’t like several attitude of someone i’m dating or I think he doesn’t respect me enough I decide to don’t date him anymore. Talking with my friends I found out that many are in relationship with someone accepting a lot of unrespectful attitude that I would never accept but in this way I give up every boy I like. I very hard for me find someone I like and when I do there are some problem or he has a girlfriend but pretend he is single. Probably I would never find the right one.

  • I agree and i am the person who skipped relationships from my life from more than four years because i felt i am going to be mistreated and i couldn’t gind tr way to speak up my values and thats caused me to quitting all kind ot dating …!
    I know its strange but for instance when i decided to give my attention and i feel the need to have a family. I find i am still with bo tools to deliver my standards to guys i date ;)
    Really you are giving this vedio on time , it will support me so much
    Thank you for your great servic

  • Matt, you inspire me every day! Thank you for your wise words.. I wasted too many years in relationships that were not right for me, because I did not communicate my value and was as a result not valued. Years later, my exes have apologised for not treating me the right way, but it makes little difference now… The regret you talk about – I’ve experienced it and you are absolutely right about that. Cannot recommend your work highly enough!
    Thanks to you, I’m on a new path! Learning and growing every day. Let’s see how it goes :)

  • Hi Matthew ,I’m so grateful for your videos.They have helped me so much in understanding my ex boyfriend and why after having been with him for 8 years he couldn’t commit.We are officially broken up about a year now but it still hurts.Your videos have been helping me so much to cope with my heart break..Thank you Matt

  • I always had standards and I articulated them very well from the beginning. And my boyfriends respected me and adored me and everything was always perfect. But then always out of blue, overnight literally, they either cheated or changed their mind and started acting very reserved and when I asked what was wrong they said they were not sure about everything anymore, and we broke up.
    My man I’m having a distance relationship for 8 months was even begging me to move to his city and last week when we went on a trip together, he suddenly started acting reserved, and then stopped texting me.

    seriously?! where is the problem. Even if I step out of this, it drives me crazy, because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

  • I’ve got my standards and can’t wait to learn how to get them across :) I’ve finally got the strength to walk away quite early on now when I see someone not meeting my standards without making excuses for them.

  • Good morning, I clicked on the link to request the video, but I never received it in my inbox. I checked the junk mail as well, but it was t there. Can someone, please email it to me?

  • I also never received the email a promised how to get exclusive. Could it be emailed to me please. Thanks Matt

  • You had me in tears when you talked about living with regret. I was with a man for 16 years that I knew wasn’t good for me but neither one of us could walk away. Then he died suddenly and I was left devastated. I believed I loved him but the children I wanted never happened because I was never sure that I should have them with him. Now I’m 51 years old living with Parkinson’s disease and all alone. Don’t get me wrong I would rather be alone than repeat the same mistake again. But to anyone reading this don’t waste your younger years with someone who is not right for you even if you think it’s love. Thanks Matt for your videos they usually put a smile on my face every week, but this one hurt.

  • This video is really an eye opener that im just wasting my time. I am there now and I know he will never commit, but it’s so hard to let go. With him it’s like 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I invested so much love, time,care and comfort but get nothing back and whenever I think we are close and things feel good, he keeps disappearing. He comes up with excuses why he can’t visit me.This whole thing is starting. To effect my health because I’m getting more and more anxiety and panic whenever I don’t hear from him and my self esteem is at a low point too even though I know it is probably not me but him but still – it sucks and hurts.

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