To My Community

To all the Black members of my community, we stand with you, always. My team and I love you, and you matter to us.

The United States is reeling with the murder of George Floyd and the consequent boiling point that has been reached in America – and beyond – over race issues, the oppression, the violence towards Black people, which of course is nothing new, has been going on for a very, very long time. But it seems to have reached, I suppose not even a new level of awareness, because I could only imagine the frustration of the Black community in knowing that these images are put forward time and again and nothing gets done, but does seem to have reached a different crescendo in terms of the chord that it struck with people at scale.

I have thought long and hard this week about what to do with this week’s video, about what I wanted to say, about what I could possibly say that wouldn’t sound trite and cliche. And I spoke to Black friends of mine this week, I spoke to a friend of mine Darien for two hours this week, where he told me, “We don’t just want to hear a repetition of the narrative that we know so well.” He said, “This violence has been happening to us our whole lives, it’s just that white people are now being affected emotionally by the violence that has been happening physically to Black people.”

I also am so aware of the risk that people like myself run of simply jumping on the bandwagon of something because it’s popular to do so. And the last thing I want to do is trade on the attention that this moment has created and do something just because it’s expected, or just because it feels like the thing to do. Everything I do, everything I’ve done over the last 12 years, I have strived to do with intention and with authenticity, and I see this as no different.

And in the interests of being authentic, I don’t exactly know what to say about this issue. I’m out of my depth in talking about these issues. I certainly don’t understand them. I’m working to. I have always felt that one of my greatest strengths in life, one of my natural gifts, is empathy. And yet, how could anyone understand, having not lived that life of both overt racism and subtle undercurrents of racism that are faced daily by people in the Black community? That is something that we can only begin to connect to through hearing these stories, through seeing these videos, and through talking to people and listening – the great skill that is needed right now of truly listening.

What would pain me is to think that Black people in our community, people who watch me every week, think that I am not there for them. Think that I’m not showing up for you, think that I’m not sitting with you in some way. And so I thought let’s just take this week’s video, not for me to give advice, not for me to pretend I can be an expert in any way on this or come along with some really intelligent insight, but simply to say, I love you and I am here for you.

And I know that you are on an emotional roller coaster through this time that I cannot possibly comprehend. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be there with you in some way. Just as in a relationship, we don’t always understand the thing that our partner brings us: they could bring us a family issue, they could bring us an issue from work, they could bring us a health issue, none of which we can fully understand or solve, but we can still sit in the room with them. We don’t need to leave the room and be silent.

One of the things that I get messages on all the time when it comes to people’s love lives is the idea of gaslighting. That the person they’re with makes them feel crazy for the thing that they’re upset about, for the thing that they see very clearly is wrong in that person’s behavior, but their partner is making them feel crazy for saying it’s wrong. That they’re being over-reactive, that they’re being difficult, that they’re seeing things that are not there. It is a nasty, nasty thing that is done in relationships that makes people feel like they’re crazy.

I watched David Goggins this week make a video about the experiences that he had growing up, the racist experiences that he had, and how, when he wrote them in his book as an adult, there were people from his past that made him feel crazy, that made him feel like they never happened, that he was exaggerating, and how crazy making that was for him.

As disgusting and as horrible as these videos we’re seeing are, I can’t help but be grateful for the fact that we are seeing them, that we’re being made to feel this uncomfortable. Because these things are inarguable, they are indisputable, they are wrong, they are a disgrace. And it’s time for me and for people like me to check their egos and to listen. To not be defensive when we’re being told these things, when it’s being revealed to us the ways that we have ignored things, the ways that we have stayed silent on things. But to check our egos and be brave enough to relinquish our story of how wonderful we think we’ve been, and to understand what we can do to do better. To take on new ideas about how we can proactively make things better, and how we can learn more about what the experience still is for so many, how so many people in this world are having such disgraceful and uncivilized experience of our apparently civilized modern world.

For those of you listening right now, watching this, who are Black members of my community, I love you. I’m with you. I am in your corner. And I don’t know how to contribute on the level that I want. I don’t know how to solve this, clearly very few people do. I don’t know what the answers are, but I know I love you, and I know that I am so, so grateful that you are here.

And I hope that you’ll leave a comment, either letting me and other people like me know where we should put our attention right now, what books we should be reading, what voices we should be listening to, and perhaps most importantly of all, what your story is. I know that it’s an intensely vulnerable thing to leave a comment that talks about yourself and your story, especially when it relates to race issues, but I know that we would be grateful to read it. I know I will be, I will be reading them, every single one of them, and listening to everything you have to say.

So I’m here to learn, I’m here to listen, and I’m grateful for anything that you can share with me to help me do that. I’ll see you next week.


P.S. For anyone interested I have included a list below of organizations I have chosen to support with donations this week. **In addition, when we first posted this video this morning, I had it demonetized out of respect so as not to profit from this video. However many of you pointed out in the comments that it would be better to have ads turned on and have the revenue go to the cause. I love the idea, so I have, and 100% of the proceeds from this video will also be donated to the causes below:

1- My Brother’s Keeper Alliance
2- Center for Policing Equity
3- Equal Justice Initiative
5- The Girls Opportunity Alliance Fund

63 Responses to To My Community

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    Hey Matthew,
    I have been a fun of your works for some time now and i felt i should comment about this video, although i wonder what i can say about this subject really.
    I have seen that slogan maaaany times and the thing that goes to my mind when i see it is, may be slavery goes on in America. About Floyd’s killing, was it because he was black or it could happen to anyone else? Where we are people get killed by police many times and we don’t have white police. Here we have had people demonstrating against “police brutality” many times. during this curfew, stay at home period, police have killed more than 30 pple. Now us, do we say black lives matter or what do we say? I don’t take the blacks living in US suffering lightly, i only wonder whether the real issue is being addressed.
    The truth is freedom is good. A free soul is an healed soul. Freedom makes someone feel human. It is not freedom to make anyone disrespect people or disregard law and order.
    I commented because i felt obliged to, how could i not, and the way you addressed blacks(us) so lovingly.
    I don’t know any books about this subject i can recommend you. I read The Bible, you are welcome- NIV version, King James Version.

  2. Bridgett says:

    Hey Matthew,

    I applaud you for your openness and your willingness to learn more. I have two books I recommend reading:

    1. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave, by Frederick Douglass (written in 1895)

    2. The Wretched of the Earth, by Frantz Fanon (written in 1963)

  3. Joanne Seddon says:

    I’m a white woman. And, like you, I have considered empathy one of my most valued characteristics. I am a retired teacher from the city community where I grew up. Many things compromising who I was, happened to me in that city as I grew. The bullying (which some people described as ‘reverse discrimination’) that took place against me was terrifying. But nothing, I’m sure, comparing to the horrors for black people over these hundreds of years. My choice was and is to try to empathize with that person. However, every horrific behavior I am aware of from the past, the present and, God, I pray NOT in the future, against black lives makes me think of the black children, the black people I have taken into my heart. Imagining the things they encounter and trying to understand the motivation of the perpetrators is impossible for me. Racism hasn’t happened to me, but I cannot but be affected by it. Every person has the same basic needs. Every person’s body has blood flowing through it… not Hispanic, Asian, Polish or German blood,not black blood, not white blood or any other kind of blood. Every person basically wants the same things out of life. I can’t comprehend the action, the desire to take a life or to consider anyone’s life worth less than your own. My life is close to being over, but I will NEVER stop trying to empathize, understand, donate, volunteer with, or do whatever I can to make the lives of others worth what they should be.

  4. Caz says:

    I am a white woman. My partner is Asian. I have never had to face comments about colour until we dated. Whenever we are out we get at least several comments or looks. This makes me sad for two reasons. One a lot of the comments are how we should not be dating as I am white. The other these comments are not just from white People but from Asian people to. I accept that people have a right to their own opinions but this is wrong. I think I was shocked more as I thought in this day and age things had got better. How wrong was I. My partner has even been beaten up for dating me. Which made me think of leaving him. Not because I don’t love him. I do. But because I don’t want him hurt again. We decided to weather the storm and we have come out stronger. I have no answers. All I hope is one day it won’t be this way and people can see people fit people and not the colour of their skin.

  5. Nicolette says:

    I can’t read all the comments to check but I hope someone has already suggested Be The Bridge by Latasha Morrison. It explores racial reconciliation in America – to include listening, lamenting, repenting and healing as a nation and as a world. We all have a part to play (hence the name), as we can all be ‘bridge builders’ in some way..

  6. Noli says:

    Hi Matthew,

    First I want to thank you for being real, for honestly admitting you were not sure what to say or do, but you are open to learn. As a Black woman, it was really nice to hear. Not enough people say that and I wish they did. To simply stop and listen is a lot because we want to be heard without people changing our stories or putting our pain into perspective so I love that you talked about gaslighting too. I also wish people could put their ego aside and have the uncomfortable conversation. I am really grateful to anybody that on top of that stops long enough to think about their own beliefs and wants to know how they can be part of the change. That’s amazing to see!
    More than reading about the problem and it’s history, I think it would be great to add minoritie’s perspective on the dating world, it would add another layer of inclusivity.
    I read Patsy’s comment about her dating experience and I got chills, then I cried for a while because it mirrored my own experience. I live in Canada, born and raised and I’ve learned to deal with the plethora of strange comments or behaviour directed at me, but in the context of dating it can be quite hurtful. I can count the number of guys that would welcome me in their bed but wouldn’t openly date me because of what people might think and yes some of those guys will tell you to your face. I have to say, over the years this community and your work gave me enough tools to navigate the situation because I learned to have standards, but I’ve also had to add my own standards to reflect the fact that I’m a Black woman dating as a minority in a White world. Dating outside of my race, I consciously have to check if a guy is attracted to me because of what he sees in me or because he has a fetish or I’m an exotic new thing to try. I got caught a couple times and unfortunately I have other girlfriends who have similar stories because they are Black, Asian etc. Your core message already applies to all, but I think it would be interesting to have a conversation around how it translates to some minority groups.

    Hope it helps :)


  7. Galaletsang Melamu says:

    I really appreciate how you have shown your empathy for this intense issue,’s atleast comforting to know there’s someone out there who cares and understands the discomfort of being a victim of racism. I believe there is no single soul on this earth who will understand why people have to be looked down on,to be wrongly accused of crimes they didn’t do simply because of the difference of their skin colour.No one understand why it had to be the Black race to be the inferior or whatever it is..Thank you again Mathew,for your love and care

  8. Alice says:

    Well said Matthew. Let’s stand up to and speak out against violence.

  9. Marianne says:

    Sorry, one more. How can I forget. PLEASE WATCH the documentary “!3th” on Netflix! It’s about the history of black Americans since the 13th amendment. It shows how the criminal justice system and criminality was used to continue slavery.

  10. Marianne says:

    I volunteered for Obama in 2008. And in 2017 I volunteered to get petitions signed for a ballot initiative in Florida that restores the right to vote to returning citizens who had previously been convicted of felonies, but had served their sentences. The system had a built-in check to keep them from having real power. We did it. We got it on the ballot, over 1 million Floridians signed the petition. And the majority of FL voters voted for it! We won! it was challenged. But yes, many have quietly been trying to take action. Change is happening! We now have over 1 million more eligible voters in Florida. And voting is power.

  11. Patsy says:

    Hi Matthew, thank you very much for acknowledging the BLM movement but also being clear that you don’t have any special insight or advice. We appreciate white allies, not so much white saviours. I have been saying in various forums online that this is not a black vs white issue, it’s a everybody vs racists situation, and if you like to think as a white person that you’re part of the right side, then being silent about BLM is NOT an option.

    With regards to my personal experiences of racism as a black British woman, living in a major English city, most of it has been subtle, insidious or unconscious. To be honest, I would almost prefer someone call me an n-word to my face, because at least we both know where we stand. Being black in the UK has particularly been an issue while dating, so I am 40 and “still” single, which people are beginning to imply is my fault. I am aware of the stats that on dating websites black women are the least popular and are less likely to get responses to messages when they take the initiative to contact a man; that’s fine, I can understand that people have preferences BUT it definitely is racism when you continually get guys that want to sleep with you but wouldn’t dream of introducing you to their friends and family. One particularly spineless white English ex, who told me he loved me, and we talked about moving to LA together, also said that there was no point introducing me to his parents because “they’re really racist” and “don’t worry, they’ll die soon”. In my 20s it felt like prejudice from the man I loved was a small price to pay because I had found “the love of my life” so early, and I wasn’t going to die alone. Now, almost 20 years later, I would not tolerate any excuse from a significant other not to introduce me to their family if we’re planning a future together, and especially if that excuse was to do with any aspect of my identity that I am proud of now, such as being the daughter of immigrants, and my delightfully soft and glowing, highly-melanated skin.

    BTW I wasn’t actually aware that you lived in LA; my English ex does too, and has done quite well for himself in the film industry. I would never name and shame, because that’s not my style, but if you ever happen to be at a starry party with a bunch of white people and you bring up this story, keep an eye out for a very tall, hopefully red-faced Englishman! ;-)

    Thanks again for being a white ally, peace and love to you and yours x

  12. Marianne says:

    Your ability to empathize is inspiring. I think that’s one reason why you’re so easy to trust. And I hope more can see through your eyes this way. I wish more would. Thank you!

  13. Jacqueline says:

    I think empathy needs to be shared at least equally for the Law Enforcement Officers, many black, who die at the hands of violent criminals.

  14. Lyn says:


    Thank you for having enough vulnerability to make this video.

    I heard you loud and clear. You have a great deal of empathy and that you love the black community.

    LOVE: Love is action, as you know being a relationship coach. By making this video you have shown love. I ask that you continue to show love, continue to show you care.

    Walk with us in a way you have never walked with us before. Listen to our hearts by watching our actions to the injustice that we face everyday.

    We all have experiences to share, and hardships to endure. Think of it like this… I have read the books of the Bible and intellectually I understand God’s word; but, do I know him, do I have a personal relationship with him?

    If, you read the books that have been suggested for you to read, please read them with your black friends by your side.

    I wish you love, inner peace and to always have a spirit of willingness.

  15. Emily says:

    I appreciate you using your platform to speak up about this. It’s so important! One book that is very illuminating about racialization is My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem. There’s also a great interview with him recently on the On Being podcast.
    At the end of your video, I wish you would have included Tony McDade to the list of honoring the Black people who were murdered recently. He was a Black Trans-masculine person shot by Tallahassee police last Wednesdays. Just like Black Lives Matter, Black Trans and Queer Lives Matter too.

  16. Nikeshia says:

    Thanks for acknowledging the crisis people face each day based on racism and i am grateful as a black person and I am expecting some changes for our future generation

  17. Tyanesha Agnew says:

    Thanku sooo much for acknowledging the issue and not turning a blind eye. Soo much has to b consistently done to get us from where we are and where we need to go. Theres so much oppressed hurt and anguis! We are overly legitimately fed up!!!

  18. Sherri Sabiro says:

    Hello, Matthew, to be honest with you and even more so to the world racism it’s painful and it hurts. Am, not any mixed race but. I, really feel hurt when a white person look down on me just because of my skin color that God gave me knowing it suits me and it beautiful to look at. Am in Asian very much. Et
    India and etc.
    I, wish you can see how the Asians people they laught at me once they see me and point at me to their own fellow Asians. To the Asians people they think is’s cool to laugh at my skin color.
    This has been the most disturbing discrimination about black skin i, means the death of George Floyd although many black African Americans had been short and killed in the passed innocent besides, This one man George Floyd death it hit me the hardest.
    It’s too much to bear my people in the white counties being killed for nothing more especially, is oftenly is happening in the US.
    Why? This had been happening till right now is still going on.
    Am, from Uganda by the way. But all my life had been going out with only white guys.

  19. Fiona says:

    As a white woman from the UK here’s a great book that has helped me on my journey Matthew. Akala – Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire. He’s such an informed and eloquent writer.

    I’m sure our friends across the pond would find it interesting too as so much of what have done has affected them too.

    Read and share.

    Fiona xxx

  20. Lace says:

    Dear Matthew,
    Thank you so much for your words and action on this. I am studying for my PhD in leadership and identity. Which is identifying why ‘global majority’ people a term preferred more than ‘black or brown’ (Johnson and Campbell-Stephens,2010), face personal and professional barriers to exercising leadership in public life? The reason I started this study is that I couldn’t understand why after studying, qualifying and working hard, I just couldn’t achieve or be promoted in ways that others less qualified, experienced with a different shade of skin colour were. Being in the East when Brexit happened I found myself being faced with such overt racism that I had not seen since practising on the front line in London in the early 90s just after the then ‘race riots’. I have discovered the visible and occluded narratives that exist in organisations that continue to keep global majority people in their so-called lanes. Its been tough going hearing so many stories of the impact of hate. However, the journey has led me to recognise as I am seeing today that this ‘race’ issue will only be solved if both whiter and darker people work together what we call activists (blacks) and heroes (white) people work together as one human race to defeat in love. I’m a mother of five. my youngest daughter has a disability. I have always worked full-time with little support. I’m self-funding my PhD because my employers at the time decided that I earned them too much money for then to release me and pay for my dream even though it was agreed as part of my contract and as they acknowledged that they were paying me less than my counterparts. So yes it has been tough and COvid19 hasn’t helped but I hope my contribution to how we get to talk about race and begin to address it will help. Thank you once again for making a stand with us and showing you’re solidarity with this cause for the continuation of the human race. Someone once said if the 2 billion of us doesn’t know what the remaining 5 billion of us eats or sleeps then we should be worried. We are all related one race just different shades.

  21. Fran Lewis says:

    Thank you Matthew for sharing your thoughts and your honesty. I live in the U.K. and it’s not perfect by any means. People of colour have been racially abused most of their lives and yes some white people have been racially abused. The difference is 450 years. When you’ve heard your great grandmother talk about her life and the abuse she suffered, then your grand parents talk about the same thing, then your parents talk about the same thing and your mother holding back the tears until she got home so that people could not see. Then me, having to go through it as well. Would that not make you tired, upset, wonder when it will all change. Wondering is it right to bring children into this world so that people can do the same thing to them. If you get the chance at some point watch 13th on Netflix. And if anyone else is reading this no matter what race you are and have Netflix watch it too if you want to know more. Love you too Matthew x

  22. Debs Swain says:

    In a time when none of us really know what’s going on or what to do to get thru this difficult time for every single person in the world, I appreciate your honesty in saying you don’t know ether. How can any of us truly know what’s happening or what’s about to happen. We can only do our best to be the best people we can be and here’s our chance to put a not of the negative stuff in our lives, in the past. Lets start afresh and make a real change in the world. We’ve all been given a reprieve so lets use our second chance wisely

  23. Shelmith Nduta Nyokabi says:

    Thank very much Mathiew for doing your best to protect your brand. This is not interesting when white people are against black people forgetting they are human beings. May God bless you and be with you always
    You always help many people in this world I included. Thanks so much

  24. Ange says:

    Thanks so much Matt, it really feels so good to hear that from you. I was waking up and saw this and I feel like this the best message since 2020 began. Thanks so much and I love you too and I am so grateful I’m part of your community.

  25. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for speaking up and not side stepping the real issue to protect your brand.

  26. Monika says:

    Thank you for your heartfelt comments here, Matthew. We can feel the solidarity and support. Two days ago, in my village, I saw my first “Police Lives Matter” bumper sticker – frightening!

  27. Jessica says:


    I have a very hard time with this as well simply because we are all humans and what is happening is breaking my heart. It is so hard to see people treating, hurting amd oppressing other people this way.

    I come from a mixed race family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My family brings me so much love, joy, value and appreciation for life that I can’t imagine my life without them.

    Last year brother-in-law who is Jamaican almost lost his job because of a very racist white man that he worked with. I remember talking with him about how to out outsmart the guy who was harassing him at work so he didn’t get fired. I whole-heartedly agreed that what he was encountering was racist and wrong. I heard and understood his pain. He was upset over the harassment and was extremely stressed because he has a good job and a family to provide for. I felt awful giving him this advice because he was not free to speak his own mind and communicate how he felt. He had to play a part just to keep his job. How awful is that? Its like suffocating. I know what its like to not be seen or heard and this is what he was forced to do; he was forced to remain silent just to be able to keep collecting a paycheck. Why did it come down to shut up and keep your job vs say something and get fired. I saw this as ludicrous, unfair, racist and absolutely despicable. The area I live in is not overly diverse and racism flourishes which truly makes me ashamed and sad. I am happy to say the other man was fired and my brother-in-law still has his job. But it should not have come as a result of strategically outsmarting someone. It should have come from a place of fairness, hinesty, justice and equality.

    Thank you for giving all of your love, energy and time. You are always giving people value, understanding, and courage to face the world.


  28. Awillaway says:

    Thank you for using your voice and your platform to stand with us. You have no idea how much your support means. We just want to be cared for and to know we are loved and to live in a world where we don’t have to daily fear for our lives or the lives of our babies, our families, or our friends. I couldn’t watch the video but my heart hurts the same for anyone that has lost their life because of senseless racism. I pray for a change to come soon and for justice for George Floyd. We all need this win so badly.

  29. Jen le says:

    Hi Mathew thanks for the knowledge the human life my personally every life is Matter I think everyone become a human being that’s blessed from God and everyone have different backgrounds but same good sense of humor nobody have the right to kill them with no reason if they don’t do anything wrong even those do bad things just let the Law make decisions and my personally I think the police officer supposed to protect the community they not supposed to take advantage of the power and kill everyone they want to kill . The day I see a video of Gorges Floyd my heart broken for his family and I’m so emotional every time I see the News I feel so sad I hope this time the Law enforcement learn a big time and change for the future with discrimination that is I pray for our country

  30. Suzy says:

    I wept in horror when I watched how George Floyd died and I posted a message of support to the peaceful protesters who marched all over New Zealand even tho we are still in level 2 of lockdown – I received so many hateful comments about how “what happens to the stupid People of the US is not our concern” and that the marchers were selfish and ignorant to put everyone at risk of spreading the virus… It is so unbelievably sad and incredibly disappointing that so many people lack empathy and can’t see the bigger picture. To every black person, every person of colour or mixed race who has been subjected to the horror of racism I am so sorry and I hope that THIS time HERE AND NOW a great shift in humanity will finally happen. ❤️

  31. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Hi Matthew! I certainly don’t like talking about this, just because it brings up things that happened to me as a young girl. I am of a visible minority..I am a Canadian first..but, my ethnicity is Chinese. I can’t tell you how hard it was to hear being called a Ch**nk from people I didn’t know…other children & adults. I was 6 years old the first time I recall being called that. Or being teased with the phrase “Ch**nky Ch**nky Chinaman” by kids I didn’t know. I was born in 1961…so I saw alot of TV news from the United States highlighting Martin Luther King. I remember my Mom watching our old black & white TV with my family…and watching her cry as one of the Kennedys (President) was shot in the head as he was in the parade & watching his wife climb across the back of the car only to realize he had been shot in the head. I asked my Mom why she was crying…& she said a very bad man had shot the President & killed him. It is so vivid in my memory…etched forever. It’s something that I have stuffed down…something I don’t like to remember. But, in light of what is happening in the US…it brings it all back …that emotional trigger or button. I am not that naive to think that racism doesn’t exist. I know it is alive & well. I have NOT experienced any of the racist remarks due to the COVID. I didn’t even know it was a thing..until one of my friends from Seattle..told me his Asian friend has been receiving nasty remarks about bringing the COVID to the US & to go back where she came from. Ironically, she is American born…with a Korean background. I have yet to experience that…& happy to say…I have not received any comments like that. So, there is the ugly truth…something I didn’t want to remember…but, you asked for it. Food for thought Matthew. It happens to all people of color. Worse things happened to generations of my family. Like the Head Tax..probably some of my ancestors are buried under the railway in Canada. As it has been said..”You will probably find a Chinaman under every foot of railway in Canada”…as they sent in Chinese men who would risk their lives to blow up sections of mountain to forge the railway through it. These men sent money back to their homeland…and found it very hard..almost impossible to bring their wives & children over. Many immigrants suffered great indignities & had no rights. No right to right for citizenship…just treated as cheap labor & very disposable. I would dare to say a Chinaman’s life was not even valued, as much as the common street dog. True. :( It guts me. It’s better now in Canada. But, we have our own problems…very parallel. Our First Nations people who also suffer the same indignities as their Black counterparts in the US. We also have to “fix” these issues. Generations & generations of racism. We all have that dirty secret. Not talked about very much…but, it is there. Let’s hope the change can start to happen. One step at a time…one issue at a time. Thanks for listening.

  32. Natasha says:

    Firstly, just thank you… acknowledging the issue and seeking to know and learn more means more than you know. You create positive change and this video is another example of that.

    I’m a mixed race women from the UK and this has been a very VERY difficult week. What has shocked/upset me the most is the lack of acceptance in the UK that this issue is real and happening everywhere, not just the US… There’s a wave of defensive commentary on the current protests… “why are they protesting here”… “all lives matter, not just blacks”… “it just gives them an opportunity to loot and steel”. Every time I read this, it feels like im being punched in my stomach! I’m ashamed to say I lose hope that things can be better because those that can effect change do not accept there is anything wrong. Listening to the video has helped more than you know and it’s important you keep reaching out and using your platform to illustrate and educate those that simply don’t see (or don’t want to see) the continuing injustice.

    Like you, I find it difficult to know what to say or do to help make a change. I have found reading people’s experiences of racism a more effective way of illustrating what happens on a daily basis and what needs to change. In terms of my experiences… well I, without fail, receive a shocked or raised eyebrow every time I tell someone I’m a solicitor (and I vividly remember being told by my 6th form teacher that Law was too difficult for someone like me); and sadly I’ve been followed around in shops by security guards too many times for it to be a coincidence. Other examples relate more to simply living in a society that caters to one particular colour… so having to go to “black” hair shops to find shampoo that is suitable for my hair because my local supermarket won’t sell these products… or finding a hairdresser that actually caters for my hair! And don’t get me started on the trouble I had trying to find a clinic that could safely provide laser hair removal! The majority of lasers would “attack” the pigment in my skin!!! Can you believe it!!

    You asked what you can do… I really appreciated the comment from a lady above about being more diverse in terms of your business and who you have advising you. It may be you already have a wealth of people from all walks of life and I would simply say that diversity and hearing from those that are not like you or think like you is no bad thing! You will reach more people that way.

    Finally, I want to mention what it’s like to date being mixed race. I don’t think I’m alone when I say this but I’ve struggled with my identity my whole life, which stems from growing up with a white mum in a white community but clearly not being white. Having white traits and these being frowned upon by my black community… I am conflicted with who I should date; and whether I am ever fully accepted by any man because of my colour. This goes to confidence, which I know you do a lot of work around. I simply wanted to give you that insight from my own experiences of being a mixed woman.

    Thank you for reading this; for inviting feedback and for your heartfelt video. Keep doing what you’re doing!

  33. Joy Wolcott says:

    Nobody likes to be disliked.

    I’m white and I’m a minority living on the island of Kauai. The locals can’t stand the visitors . The visitors are white but I’m a local now since I’ve been here since 2004.

    So, I can see what western society has taken from the Hawaiians. I’m a teacher, helping the local kids to learn and grow.

    Anyway, do I get treated poorly? Yes. Am I accepted? No. It’s like walking on eggshells.


  34. Camilly Geigel says:

    “The Masked Singer” is what I keep thinking about over and over again as this new wave of change evolves. Of course I am not down playing the importance if this movement and comparing it to a T>V show but it amazes me how easily we “could” LOVE at a person for who they are and what they bring to the table as opposed to “liking” them for how they look. This show has confirmed something that I like many others have experienced throughout or lives,sadly our society places too much emphasis on the superficial.Things such as the way a person looks, the way they sound(accent) and who they choose to believe in take priority over the fact that they too are a person, a human being. I can’t believe we live in a time so technologically advanced that you can turn your faucet on and off with your cell phone; yet we are so far behind as “people” that we failed to recognize that…….We were ALL created equal. At the end of the day, we all have red blood and if you put a knee on any of our necks for 9 minutes….We die. YES, Black Lives Matter.EVERY LIFE MATTERS!!

  35. Emily Hughes says:


  36. Val the HR Gal says:

    Hi Matthew, many thanks for allowing space in your community for this discussion. As a black woman, and DC native (the “stuff” is hitting the fan here) my spirit has been heartened by the number of business and thought leaders who have been vocal in the past few days about the need to not only commiserate and sympathize, but to take action to stop the systemic racism that continues to tear our country apart. We simply must come together on a grassroots level to make the legal, political and institutional changes necessary to stop the marginalization of minority groups and to achieve a shared and collective consciousness to do and be better. This is an election year folks. Let’s elect the right people and hold them accountable to ensure the necessary change to heal our country. #weareinthistogether

  37. Tonia Mcdonald says:

    Thank you Matthew for the invitation I do have issues with getting the phone number of men and getting the first date even if it is virtual date what do I do about it? A lot of them like to play games.

  38. Jerri Wilson says:

    Hi Matthew,
    It was such a compassionate gesture for you to address the numbness I and many women in the black community are feeling,in that another murder of young black persons has been exposed.
    My heart once again is in pain, with the hopes that one day soon we will all view everyone as human. These current incidents may be the catalyst to bring a greater empathy to the human race. Thank you for caring as our community processes this grief and works to heal and work for change.

  39. Elizabeth Hawkins says:

    Hi Matthew,
    It’s good that you haven’t hidden away from this issue . I’m a white police officer in the UK and I’m proud of the work I do. I have so many thank you cards and it makes my day to receive one.
    I have dealt with two separate cases this week Involving two different countries and the stories I have been told about Eastern European police forces, and their total inadequacies have been astounding. They’ve called victims of crime ‘liars ‘ and walked away. Here in England we would investigate their claims properly.
    I’m proud of who I am and how I treat everyone on their own merits no matter where they are from.
    The USA police are far too violent and I’m glad that we aren’t armed in the UK and we use communication first and foremost. If we handcuff anyone in the UK we have to fill in a form- that’s how monitored we are here.
    I have experienced being a minority when I went to Africa and then I understood what it really felt like to stand out and to feel insecure and intimidated simply walking down the street, I have to be honest and say that I didn’t like it. I was nervous for no reason other than I was a minority- but it gave me a taster of how people feel, and I’ve never forgotten it. Ot was an excellent lesson.
    It is a case of understanding. Treating people as you find them and appreciating how others might feel and giving reassurance.
    Yes George was no angel – but on the day in question he offered no violence and should have been treated as so.
    In the UK we are taught that even a person lying on their front can suffer asphyxiation, let alone kneeling on a neck. OMG common sense should prevail .
    I’m sure in every corporation there are people with prejudice, but to be professional, it has to be put to one side.
    I just hope that we aren’t all tarred with the same brush, because it simply isn’t true and I work with some amazing people who go through hell and stress to help others.
    Please convey the message that all the good cops out there don’t want to be anything to do with violent, racist cops. The shit ones are a minority who we do not want to associate with. We don’t do this job for money- we are poorly paid, in company, we do it to make a difference. I feel good about what I do everyday and that is enough for me.

  40. Alisha says:

    Matthew, I really appreciated your vulnerability in this video about not having the answers and still having a lot to learn. I also appreciate your willingness to learn and to listen to Black members of your community and to create a space for that by asking us to comment.

    I am a Black woman and I have been in your community for years. I attended your retreat in 2014 and it was honestly the catalyst for so much transformation in my life. I will be forever grateful to you and the amazing people on the retreat team.

    In terms of feedback on what you can do, I would like to suggest looking at having more racial diversity on your team. I’m not sure who is on your team behind-the-scenes, so I can’t comment on that, but I remember noticing that at the retreat and at other events I’ve attended of yours, there were no Black people (and possibly no POC at all) on your team.

    Having a diverse team brings such a richness of experiences and would be a real asset to your business. Also, the experience of dating is very different for Black women than other women and having voices to share those experiences would provide more context for you when Black women share the specific challenges we encounter.

    Thanks for listening xx

  41. Hayley says:

    As someone who is fighting for equality and wants to fully show up in this world, I can say you’re doing great. Please keep going! Take a moment before you scroll to the next comment and know YOU are showing up with the tools you have! That’s amazing and so needed. Take care of you and please know you’re doing great work.

  42. Inspirational says:

    So terrible…. and has being going on for years….As a black female from The U.K white privilege is ALWAYS exposed in every part of my daily activities.

    It hurts to know that we are not treated fairly and have to work extra hard where as others get away with all sorts.

    It’s difficult explaining to my teenagers… please be careful Out there as you may not be treated as your white friends by others.

    Being watched And followed by security when you are buying products….

    Being rushed To eat when you go out to dinner…

    Being followed and stopped by police while driving….

    Being told by careers advisor at school … you could never be a lawyer… how about legal secretary!

    It’s good to know other people are finally…. seeing wrong is wrong and that it is not acceptable to be killed for being black.

    I’m thinking of all the others who have been murdered and their families.

  43. Kiki Anderson says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thank you real and genuine response to racial issues we as African Americans face in this country. I am from California which a very liberal stat and I’m very lucky to have been born and raised here as I feel I have had many opportunities which have led to my success today. I feel the weight of this because I am black but also because even though I have no children and not married I want to look my family members in the eyes and say that I stood up. I have lived in Denmark as well and sadly i will say I have not experienced racism there as I have here in my own country. Systemic racism is real and thriving in America. Many times I wish I could go back to Europe permanently to not have to live like this. Here is some helpful advice on how you can support our community:

    • Ask your colleagues how they would like to be supported.
    • Listen and acknowledge their feelings.
    • Hold your peers and managers accountable and report any instances of racism, however big or small they may seem to you.
    • Mentor: Identify talent within teams and support them with the knowledge and opportunity to succeed.
    • Speak out, because silence is not allyship.
    • Donate to causes that further education and take action to end racism.
    • Read or seek out books to educate yourself about the history of systemic racism across the world. Watch movies like 13th by Ava DuVernay.

  44. Donna says:

    I started at a business here . When my business moved to a bigger city. I went to the new building and had some problems. I moved to a different job in the warehouse to see if things would get better. It was not always great. But, I hung in there and it got better. Now, I am better because of some people I have came across in my life. I would love to thank these people I met along the way. I am a white women and you would think they are too. No, I have met some really great black people. They have guided me though my life. Two ladies who gave me a hard time and good times. But, I see now they were making me tougher. Two older black men who guided me by saying things to me that I needed to hear. I also have a guy who is black that has been there when I just needed a friend. But, that is not all – I also have Mexican and foreign friends too. ( people from other countries). Don’t get me wrong. I have several people who I appreciate that are black, white, and Mexican. But, I know we all have something in common- me. I have been going though a rough time and I a found a peace in myself. I walk. Yes, I take walks. I enjoyed nature and music. I went today and meet a new friend. He is great older man who has done so much for our country. But, just listening to him- made everything great. It was also nice to have someone to walk with. So, all I can say is if you are black, white or Mexican. Take a walk. You will found yourself and maybe you will come across people who likes you for you. Also, people around you are all there for a reason. So, listen and be open to new things. I am still trying to do that today. You just need to listen. A lot of us including me forgot that. I think people need to remember – we were not there before and after this event happened. So, don’t assume anything and don’t blame a group. I hope we can all understand that bad things happen but, what we do with it matters. So, now I come to a time in my life where I am unsure what to do. But, I hope I get a push that I need. Someone who can help me make two big decisions in my life. I will see what happens. But, until then I
    will walk. I hope this helps.

  45. Isabel says:

    Thank you for your words Matthew! I am a mixed race British woman and have never suffered anything like the extreme racism of George Floyd however I have (as I’m sure every non white person living in the western world) been the victim of racist comments and remarks. It doesn’t matter how small the comment remark, it is still extremely hurtful and unjust. My view is 0 tolerance to racist behaviour! Enough is enough!

  46. Farida Ntshebo says:

    Who are all created in God’s image and before god we are one as a family there’s no need for discrimination or racism because by doing this it becomes heartbreaking for us we all have to become 1 as a family it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white we are still a family that’s what matters.

  47. Bianca says:

    I am in no way an expert but how I see it, the problem this world has is focusing on what differentiates one from the other, rather than acknowledging what people have in common. The problem is assigning colour/gender/sex/ethnicity/food preference etc to… life, to being in one way or the other. Essentially, there is no real difference between people as we all have one life, one heart, etc and we all share this wonderful experience of being alive on this beautiful planet. I feel that, whoever assumes hate instead of love based on prejudices like skin colour/sexual orientation so on, they actually assume hate towards anything other than their selves (but actually rooted in a deep hate towards parts of their own selves?). Irrespective of what it might be, that, to me, is mental illness and such inclinations should be screened for and addressed accordingly through education and psychological support.

  48. Sophie Isaacs says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thank you for showing your support and speaking on this. As a black woman it means a lot to hear your thoughts and I found your video touching and from the heart. It’s hard to describe what it really is like walking around everyday of your life with this internal pressure to prove my worth. It’s emotionally and physically draining to say the least. This moment in time is hopefully going to bring lasting changes to the entire world on equality. Thank you.

  49. Doreen says:

    Thank you for your support. We appreciate you.

  50. Johanne Jeudy says:

    Thank you so much Matt for always keeping it real, and it shows in all your videos. I’ve been a big fan for many years and now I’m part of several of your programs. As a black woman, it means a lot to me/us for being there and showing your support. Thank you for all you do and specially for how much you’ve helped me personally in so many ways to create a life that I’m starting to love more everyday despite all the hardship that life throws my way.

    I wish I had the answers to how else you can help but awareness and speaking up about such issue are definitely great ways to help . We love you Matt and thank you for your kind and humbling heart. ❤️

  51. Rebecca says:

    Everything you said is how I feel Matthew. You have put my feelings into words so well. The idea that I have been a part of this horror, not meaning to be but not doing anything like enough the change things, fills me with shame. In my job I am in a position to do something but I have been blindly going about my days, congratulating myself on being a good person because I treat all the children I teach the same. That is not enough. I see that now. Black and ethnic minority children need more…not the same. They need more to combat the automatic privilege of their white classmates. I will do better and I start today. It’s not up to any Black person to try educate me because I deserve to feel this guilt but I promise, I swear to Black mothers and mothers of Black children I will lift your children up as high as I can. I hope that’s something and I hope that’s enough.

  52. Sharistiz says:

    I am not black, I am a female hispanic. My father was in jail since I was two years old, and was just deported to our country in 2018 after serving a 35 year sentence for selling drugs; murderers serve less time…especially cops that kill…I will not be surprised that George Floyd murders get released after a couple of years. Basically I grew up in jail; me and my Mom would visit as much as we could afford (he was in NY and we lived in Miami), and we even slept there some weekends thanks to a family program that allowed families to stay the weekend in a trailer inside the facility. This was a maximum security jail, it was no joke. As my awareness changed from child to adult, it struck me how many African Americans and hispanics were convicted versus white, and how unfair and biased our justice system was. Just look into the Rockefeller drug laws, they are ridiculous. Then I wondered how jail was helping these gentlemen, and i realized it wasn’t. The jail system is just another commercial business in United States and there was no intention to reform people that took a wrong turn, they could care less. I still don’t understand why so many minorities are incarcerated and just left to rot in our “justice system”, or how to even help out. But what I do know is that I grew up fearing the justice system, fearing the police officers at the maximum security facility, suffering ever day for my father and all the while hiding all of this from everyone i knew in my life so I would not be discriminated , judged and isolated. I also witness firsthand what it was like to be treated like you were less than the scum on earth, because that is how I was treated at the facility…never a hello, never a smile, it was cold and empathy was not a word they knew. Yes, there were some good officers, but most were not. Because of this experience i understand first hand what it feels to be viewed as a “minority” and almost feel like I was less because of it. But I did not know what to do about it besides keep quiet and going, because anytime you thought something was unfair..they could make it worse if you spoke up. And lawyers are expensive…we did not have the means to hire a voice for us to fight against the injustice. During all of this time I married a white American, who with the pass of the years let me know through racial undertones my place as a minority (hispanic and woman) and who never empathized with my father’s unjust incarceration. I should have left him, but instead he left me just two month ago (during peak of covid) for an 18 year old (he is 38) because my family disgusted him. I am an engineer and work for a big company -my husband worked there too-, I will never forget the day I got invited to a VP retirement party and he did not, he told me “that’s probably because they were only inviting minorities and women…I would not be invited to stuff like that”. I was so excited about sharing this moment with him and just like that he bursted my bubble and reminded me of my dad’s jail..and how little I always felt there. Those comments happen all the time in our society and until people don’t understand empathy, they will not stop. I have no answers…but I do have a deep understanding of what it feels to be made feel little -a minority- and it sucks and it has to stop.

  53. Rebecca Brockway says:

    Hi, Matthew.

    In your piece, you said: “I also am so aware of the risk that people like myself run of simply jumping on the bandwagon of something because it’s popular to do so. And the last thing I want to do is trade on the attention that this moment has created and do something just because it’s expected, or just because it feels like the thing to do.”

    I am a white woman with a biracial son, Abraham, who joined our family through adoption when he was 22 months old. He is now 18, and just graduated from high school yesterday. Abe was raised in communities – San Luis Obispo, CA. and Santa Barbara, CA. – where there is little overt racism. At least that’s the view of this progressive white gal.

    I currently live in the heart of San Luis Obispo where protesters have taken to the streets for a week. I’d like to think that most white people from my predominantly white community are earnest and well-meaning. I want to believe they join in not for show, but because they want to be part of the change.

    I have not participated in the Black Lives Matter protests. I have not participated because, like you, I do not want to jump on the bandwagon of outrage when, as a white woman, I posses very limited understanding of racial anguish. I don’t choose to “steal the show” from black individuals who need their voices heard. I don’t want to be a part of protests that focus on less-than-authentic white voices – because how can white voices of white privilege truly empathize with racism which we have observed yet have never personally experienced? It’s a dicey situation.

    The other night, I asked Abraham what he thinks about white people marching with black protesters. Here’s what he said:

    “Mom, if white people didn’t protest alongside black people, nobody would listen to black people.”

    The unfortunate truth from the mouth of my babe . . .

    I appreciate your honesty in all things, Matthew.

    Be well,


  54. Mary says:

    Hello Matthew, Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts, perspectives, insights and taking a stand in support. I appreciate that you own your lack of experience and knowledge and uncertainty in this area. I think there are many who feel this way. I encourage us, as white folks, to do our own work in this area. We need to educate ourselves about these issues, work to learn, know and seek to understand the systemic racism and structures so we can dismantle them. The organizations that you chose to donate to have resources available to do this. I would also suggest another resource The United State of Women organization who is also doing this work. I know I have made mistakes when having conversations on diversity and equity. I will continue to make mistakes and I am not an expert in any way, shape or form, but I know that social justice is a continuum. It takes all of us to work collectively to achieve a more equitable society.

  55. Rumina says:

    Thanks Matthew for your compassion!
    Yes you can make a difference by walking the walk, and make a
    donation to a black Charity, anything to help Black causes right now! God will bless you a thousand folds!

  56. Pring says:

    Thank you for this. Your sincerity of heart brought me to tears. I have two black sons who are amazing young men I often wonder what life would be like not to have to live in fear for their lives. I have to remind them that they can’t behave a certain way that would draw any further negative attention and it’s just hard to just breath and be black in this world…we are human and unfortunately the US did not even consider black slaves as fully human we were considered 3/5 a person. When we look at our ancestors most of the images we have to look back at are of pain and suffering of lynching. People want to say that was a long time ago… I’m 47, my grandmother who passed in 2010 was 82 when she passed, she lived as a sharecropper along with her mother who was a slave. My father 72 years old grew up on that plantation with his siblings in South Georgia. The things they witnessed and the fear they lived in is unbearable to comprehend. Thank you Matthew for the charities you are supporting. It would be helpful if more White people would speak up and end the silence when you see something that is not right happening. We are all a part of the human race… we are one. Love and blessings to you.

  57. Trina says:

    Thank you Matthew for acknowledging my anger and fear that many people of color experience unfolding in their everyday lives. The year 2020 has started with a Worldwide Pandemic and Protests for the inhuman acts that if we’re not seen by all of the world would still continue to be hidden within the constant cries of victims families. This is now a Movement for change “Black Lives Matters “, wants everyone to understand we want equality.

  58. Johanne says:

    Matthew. I have always been a fan of yours. You are so articulate and insightful and cari ng concerning relationships. But this video blew me away. You just have this incredibly special way to impart your thoughts and feelings. This is such an intelligent message. Thank you

  59. Jennifer says:

    As a Black woman who has been in your community for years, I really appreciate your support. People like you speaking out about this, condemning racism, and sharing organizations you’ve donated to is a huge step towards helping people realize that this isn’t just an issue for Black people to talk about and concern themselves with. Nothing changes that way. Putting a message out like this makes a huge difference, and hearing it from someone they respect and trust makes an impact, especially on people who otherwise would rather not put much thought into a thorny issue like this or don’t feel personally affected. Thank you.

  60. Sharon says:

    Thank you. As part of the Black community, it’s so lovely just to hear people say “We’re here for you and we’re listening and we’re willing to learn” and genuinely meaning it, after being ignored for so long. Your words made me cry, just as I’ve cried when my friends have said similar things this week. If more people have this attitude, the World will become a better place. You asked what you can do. Just keep sharing that willingness to listen and learn with other people, as you always do.
    Thank you again

  61. Terri Kavanaugh says:

    Racism is taught…luckily one of my best childhood friends was black growing up so the colour of people’s skin was irrelevant to me. As I got older I had a good friend that had black children. We were I invited to go to my Mothers house swimming with the kids. I was shocked when my Mother said “you could have warned me that her kids were black”. My Mother was a sweet, God loving woman. I think when she saw my shock at her statement, she back peddled a little to say it was okay but that she just would have appreciated the heads up.

    I won’t ever forget this blatten display of racism from the woman I love and respect most in this world.

  62. Maria says:

    Thank you for the humble, honest response to this awful matter!
    Just as yourself, I have no revelations or solutions or secrets to share.
    Most of all I deeply empathize with the feeling that it is unbielievable that in 2020 we are faced with differences that should be nonexistent! But I guess this is often the case of those who are not permanently hurt by a satus quo.
    I hope that us humans as a whole, get to keep learning and growing and our hearts stay open to be able to stand beside one another as equals, as it should be!! Becasuse we are equals and that must be internalized and understood and respected by everyone!

  63. Abby says:

    If only everyone was just like this.. The world would definitely be better. I’m black and I’ve been absolutely touched by your video. Thank you so so much. Mad crazy love from THE BLACK COMMUNITY. #BLM

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