Back On The Today Show: He’s Just Not Ready For A Relationship?

I’ve just been back on The Today Show for another instalment of ‘The Other View’. Here’s the video. Enjoy!

(Having trouble viewing this? Try this link.)

From the video…

–Why does a guy tell a girl she’s really great, but that he’s just not ready for a relationship?

The first (and not so nice) reason is that he doesn’t really think she’s that great. The second is that he’s not at the right stage of his ‘blueprint’.

The clever thing guys can get you to think is that they ‘just haven’t thought about any of this’. The truth is that he’s thought TOO MUCH about it. He’s thought about his future and where he wants to be in certain areas, whether now is the right time for commitment, or whether he should be focusing on his career instead.

If the right woman comes along at the wrong stage of his blueprint, he’s likely to end up saying, ‘not right now’ – unless she knows how to change his blueprint.

We call this the ‘rare gemstone effect’. 

Don’t assume a guy can’t change his blueprint. But certain things have to happen for a guy to do so.

When a guy likes a woman whom he thinks is rare, he can suddenly start to question his blueprint.

What you need to learn is how to create the ‘rare gemstone effect’, show a guy you’re someone he’s discovered, and that he won’t find someone like you again.

–When a guy says he’s ‘not much of a texter’, does that really mean he doesn’t text much? Or that he just doesn’t want to talk? Should this be a red flag?

A guy can say this in an attempt to lower your expectations initially.

In relationships we have rules and we have standards.

I go into this in depth in my most recent video. A standard is a certain level of love that someone needs to show you.

If you can focus on the standard and not the rule, you’re going to be a lot happier. 

People have to decide what’s important to them and what’s not. If he can show you he cares, that he’s thinking about you, and that he loves you in other ways, this shouldn’t matter.

If it’s a symptom of him not meeting your standards, then it’s something that you definitely need to call into question.

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Reader Interactions

59 Replies to “Back On The Today Show: He’s Just Not Ready For A Relationship?”

  1. The show clip was pretty funny, and it’s pretty great you squeezed in useful advice in such a short segment. Just forwarded on to a few female friends who are questioning just that right now! rare gemstones!

  2. How do I get my hands on information about how to create te ‘rare gemstone effect’? Is this included in the ‘Man Myth’? If not, please consider doing a blog post on this topic.

    And when does IMPAC come out ?

    Love what u teach, Matt :)

  3. I went through the “Get the Guy” 6 month program etc., and feel like I still struggle with this concept. I understand the “increase quality, lower quantity”, “it gets better in the relationship” and “switch his associations with commitment” concepts. I find that I always begin with the “decrease quantity, increase quality” rule but it always ends up fizzling out. Hopefully with more time I’ll get better at implementing these concepts.

  4. So, he’s just not that into me?

    I read your book, subscribe to the newsletter and have tried your modules, so I’m not a hard-core skeptic. However, I draw the line here. Yes, maybe if I were prettier, more socially desirable, he might think about it. Me as I am, though? Never. It’s not about confidence or being a highly valued woman. Some women just don’t have what it takes and putting hope in our hearts, in situations like this, isn’t a good idea. Thanks for all that you do.

    1. Hi t.

      I think that hope and a positive outlook are essential and I always want to instill that in my readers, however you’re correct in that a false hope is not good. That’s why I address the unfortunate truth at the beginning that sometimes a guy may just think someone isn’t right for them, and that’s the reason they aren’t pursuing anything further. Thanks for your comment and support! : )


  5. The real hero is not what we see in the movies. the real hero who faces his self and know the disadvantages and advantages that he has. The real hero who did not hide but expresses moments of strengths and weaknesses.And always who try to become not only the best but extends his hands in order to help everyone in life.

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