Top 5 Dating Myths Holding You Back in Love

Today, I teamed up with my brother Stephen Hussey (co-writer of the Get The Guy book) to break down the top 5 annoying dating myths that need to end now.

This is a fun one – can’t wait for you to see it…

Agree or Disagree with the Dating Myths?
Leave a comment below…

Matt Hussey: I’m here with my brother, Steve Hussey. It’s been a while.

Steve Hussey: Hello, Matt.

Matt Hussey: You’re back.

Steve Hussey: I’ve come to visit the big guy in L.A., and he said, “Let’s get you on camera.” So here I am, baby.

Matt Hussey: Now, this video is your idea.

Steve Hussey: Yes, sir.

Matt Hussey: And it contains five points. I’m already nervous about the length of the video.

Steve Hussey: Okay, let’s keep it really snappy.

Steve Hussey: Five dating myths that are holding you back in love.

Matt Hussey: Today.

Steve Hussey: Why today? Any day.

Matt Hussey: I just wanna contribute.

Matt Hussey: The first one you wrote down was, “There aren’t enough great people.”

Steve Hussey: Yes. I think there’s loads of growth-oriented people out there, people who read personal development, they work on themselves, and they assume, “Well, I’m doing all this work on myself, and there aren’t enough other great people like me.” And I think men and women have fallen into this trap. I think that we can get into a very arrogant place, where we assume that the opposite sex just aren’t carrying their load, they’re not trying. And actually there’s loads of men really, really trying, there’s loads of women who are really, really trying, and I think you have to start humanizing people again.

Matt Hussey: How do you do that? Get to know them better?

Steve Hussey: You have to actually give people a chance. You can’t just swipe left on everyone because they don’t immediately match up to your lofty standards, you have to actually give people a chance. People are three-dimensional. Allow yourself to be surprised.

Matt Hussey: Myth number two that Steve wrote down was that, “No one wants real commitment anymore.”

Steve Hussey: It’s a choice to buy into that culture, and I’ve done it as well. When you use these dating apps and things too much, you can just buy into this buffet mentality where you just assume that everyone is superficial, everyone’s super shallow, and no one wants anything real. I do think in some ways it’s tougher today, and I do empathize with being single, but it’s not true that no one’s looking for real commitment. There’s plenty of people marrying, plenty of people coupling up. There’s more than enough to go around.

Matt Hussey: I think it’s probably true that people are still willing to commit. But less are willing to settle. And that just means, to be someone that someone goes for, we have to be great.

Matt Hussey: Myth number three, “The right person will accept you at your worst.”

Steve Hussey: No.

Matt Hussey: Now, this is a tricky one, because on one hand I truly believe that we should be with someone who accepts us for us. I think that often gets confused with feeling like we have a right to bring our worst selves to the table, and that if the person we’re with can’t handle that, then that’s their problem. We owe our partners better than our worst. When we find someone worth holding onto, we should be striving to bring our best. We’ll often fail to bring our absolute best to someone, but that doesn’t mean expecting that day after day we can be our worst and this person is supposed to be able to handle that, and more, be grateful for us in the process.

Steve Hussey: Myth number four, “I’ll never love anyone like that again.” This is one of those mindsets that is incredibly destructive, and it’s easy to feel that way when you’ve just had a terrible breakup, even a year after, and you don’t feel like you’ve replicated the same feelings as you had for the person before. But I think the truth is, the next person won’t be the same as before. There’ll be a different kind of unique, amazing, interesting connection.

Matt Hussey: I think we get hung up on the person. Whilst it’s true that the person we’re with was unique, they had their own thumbprint that made them them, people may not be replaceable, but feelings are. Instead of trying to replace the person, I think what we need to do is focus on replacing the feeling. And that’s something that we might get on our own, it’s something we might get from the next person. But you will feel those feelings again.

Steve Hussey: All right, final myth, “The right relationship should be easy.”

Matt Hussey: I get a bit sick of this one.

Steve Hussey: Right, you hear this a lot?

Matt Hussey: Yeah, “The right relationship should be easy.” I just don’t think relationships are easy. I think everything’s hard. Business, you wanna make a great business? That’s hard. You wanna make a great relationship? That’s hard. Even if you’re with the right person, there’s challenges. There are ways that a relationship forces you to grow, love calls on you to be your best self, there’s nothing easy about being your best self.

Matt Hussey: Now, what we have to make a distinction between is the right kind of hard and the wrong kind of hard. Because something can be hard for the wrong reasons. Because someone is toxic, because someone’s bringing you bad energy, because someone’s holding you down, being controlling, being this. It can be hard for the wrong reasons, and sometimes that means walking away. But it can also be hard for the right reasons, like you’re being challenged to grow, or you have your demons that this relationship is calling to the forefront.

Steve Hussey: Yeah, and relationships expose you, right? They expose you to a past that you’ve ignored of yourself.

Matt Hussey: They hold up a mirror. So we might find someone great who is more confident than someone we’ve been with before, and now all of a sudden our insecurities are exposed, and we need to grow in order to be with a person this confident. That doesn’t mean run away, that means this is gonna be a challenge, but it’s gonna make me better. So relationships shouldn’t just be easy. Sometimes the right relationships are uniquely challenging, but it needs to be challenging for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.

Steve Hussey: Damn, you’re a smart guy, bro.

Matt Hussey: Thank you. Thank you, you too.

Steve Hussey: Thanks, man.

Matt Hussey: So that’s it.

Steve Hussey: Myths busted, right bro?

Matt Hussey: I bet you in the comments we’ll find out they’re not quite busted. I think you’ll find in the comments that a lot of people disagree with things we’ve said.

Steve Hussey: Tell us in the comments where you disagree. I’m interested.

Matt Hussey: Let’s have a conversation.

Steve Hussey: Thanks for having me, guys. It’s been a real pleasure.

Matt Hussey: Thanks for being here.

Steve Hussey: I love you, YouTube.

Matt Hussey: YouTube?

Steve Hussey: I really love YouTube..

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61 Replies to “Top 5 Dating Myths Holding You Back in Love”

  1. This is a great video. I’m wondering how to begin looking for the right relationship when I also want to develop other aspects of my life like career, and personal development. Going back to the myths, it might be hard to really want to commit when a person is trying to develop other aspects in life. I know I would like to be in a relationship that is nurturing and would help me to advance my well being.

  2. I’m a 57, really close to being 58, white female, professional, educated, street smart, etc. (I’m sure you have heard them all before,) Anyway, I live in a small town in MN right on the ND border. ( Yes, it gets really cold here) most men say they find me attractive for my age, blonde, blue eyed, 5’6”, 145lbs. But I like to date men outside my race. I like African American men. I have tried different dating sites but to no avail. Honestly there aren’t that many Afarican American males in the two cities. What or how do you suggest that I meet these men? I don’t do the bar scene, been there done that, I don’t dine out alone, I don’t attend a church, in fact I don’t do much socializing at all, I’m very much a homebody. I like to classify myself as classy, sassy and a little bit trashy. Hopefully I hear back from you on your suggestions. Thank you! Mnblonde.

  3. Thanks Matt,u ‘ve really shed more light on this issue,well I think my problem is the 4th myth about dating ,I guess I really need to work on changing the destructive mindset! thanks.

  4. I think y’all are awesome! Great info to either learn or be reminded of.

    I just need to get out there more often and/or give internet dating a go.

    Thank you for all you do! I appreciate you (both).

  5. Ok loved this YouTube segment because it’s true! You don’t need to read any of the negativity in the comments. Must get tiring. I agree that relationships are not supposed to be easy and should always make you wirk to be the best ever for your mate/partner/ significant other….etc. relationships are partnerships like that of a business. Working TOGETHER for the common goal! Thank you both!

  6. I think you guys are great. You explained that very very well. And it is interesting to learn about those myths and helpful to hear them truthfully explained. Thank you very much for your help.

  7. OMGOSH… my mind is blown. I became Widowed almost four years ago, and I entered into the dating world again two years ago at the age of 53. Out of frustration I left the dating scene 6 months ago for EVERY SINGLE REASON YOU DISCUSSED! Every. Single. One. I NEEDED to hear this message today. God gives us what we need when we need it. Thank you guys.

  8. Can i just say that every myths that you both said was true and thats how i feel every time someone approaching me. Now they just shut me down without a word.

  9. I’m so glad that you brought up the myth “the right relationship should be easy” I have been arguing this point with my sister for years. Easy doesn’t make you grow.

  10. I am agreed,relationships are never too easy and understandable.its a complex of emotions of two different kind of human beings who are changing and growing with every single minute passing.mathew you are a hero for me and i took every single word serious that come as advice from you.

  11. The only myth I wholeheartedly disagree with you is the great people one and unfortunately it’s the kingpin. There are definitely not enough great people. Men may be ‘working on themselves” but it’s a huge mismatch. Women have been taught to operate at level 10 their whole lives and most men have not, they’ve coasted, they could coast and still thrive on level 2. Women can’t do that we can’t even coast on level 9 let alone thrive. So whilst there may be some men “working on themselves” they’re starting at level 2 and we’re on level 9.

    It’s like you say Matt you need to meet people where they’re at but it’s not possible when the maturity isn’t there yet. We can’t be dating potential great we need actual great.

  12. l want to make friends.my life that can make me live happily an honest man polite understanding royal patient want to accept me what me that is okay thanks so much .

  13. Thanks you guys for doing this. My concern now is, do I have to trash my standards because I want to meet a great guy.

  14. “So here I am, baby!” :’D
    That was my favorite part.

    I love the dispelling of the “relationships should be easy” myth. There are so many people in my life who believe this. I wonder where it came from. Media? I suppose that is why I like films and shows that have honest depictions of relationship. Romantic ideals can be traps.

    Easy is a cop out anyway… who ever grew from an easy experience.

    Glad to see you two together again. :)

    Arianna

  15. I agree totally from 1-5. A lot of people wants commitment and settling down, including me. The problem is we don’t have much platforms where we can find those kind of people. We cannot get them on dating apps or bars. A meeting with a “friend of a friend” is also not that reliable based on my experience. I had my most painful heartbreak a few weeks ago, and like what you said at number 5, I strongly agree that the right relationship should be hard, like the “right kind of hard” because we became vulnerable when our partners points out the areas needing improvement and growth. On my case, my ex and I failed to work on our egos thus, our relationship was blown hard and came on to a sudden stop. And even if we loved each other deeply, my ex was not ready to face me at all. He was kinda immature and that disapppoints more than everything else, when you are a coward and you cannot fight for someone you love. Blocking me on social media is childish as well. I love him, but time is very important for me. I would probably date someone else sooner and follow your tips.

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