Why Do Men Only See Me As a Hookup?
Do you find that men only ever seem to chase you for sex?
In this video, I show a listener live in my Fast Track webinar Q&A how she can make a guy crazy for her personality and not just her body, by making some simple small shifts in her approach to her interactions with him.
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Now in case you’ve been living under a rock or a pile of palm tree leaves… Don’t let people live under you! (Runner jogging by.) Hi… You don’t think she thought anything was weird about that did you?
In case you’ve been living under a rock, I have a membership where every month I work with my private community on getting them the most out of their love lives, whether they’re single or in a relationship. Well, on last month’s membership Webinar, there was a moment that I thought would be useful to bring to all of you. So check it out, and I will see you at the end of the clip.
Myra, how to avoid men seeing you in a sexual way only? Look, people sometimes try to see you in 2D and you need to make it impossible for people to see you in 2D. You have to make it so that someone has to see you in 3D. When someone walks into a room and you think they’re just hot, that’s 2D. When they reveal a vulnerability about themselves, when they reveal a close relationship they have with someone in their life, their sister, their cousin, their niece, their aunt, their mom… When they reveal something they’re truly passionate about, a hobby that they love doing. When they reveal something they’re geeky about, when they reveal a vision that they have for their future, when they reveal ways that they are old school romantic, these things create a 3D picture of someone, and the more 3D elements you give someone, the harder it is for them to see you in that two dimensional way anymore.
When people are seeing each other on apps and things like that, Instagram, whatever, they want to see someone as 2D so that they can… Often guys will dehumanize people by seeing them in 2D. It’s easier for me to reject someone in 2D. It’s easier for me to just be sexual, send crude messages to someone in 2D. It’s easier to send a dick pic to someone you see in 2D. Think about that. People ask, why do guys send dick pics? What is going on? But guys send dick pics to people in 2D. They’re not sending them to someone who they think of as someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone who had a difficult childhood, someone who loves painting, someone who loves writing. When someone reveals more and more and more about themselves in a way that you can no longer see them in two dimensions, they become three dimensional. And that’s when they start seeing us as more than one thing.
And that doesn’t just apply to someone seeing you only sexually, it also applies to someone seeing you just as a business person. It also applies to someone seeing you as just a yoga instructor, just a friend, just a whatever. If you want to be more than just a, you have to start paying yourself in 3D and stop putting yourself forward in 2D. And by the way, why do people put themselves forward in 2D? Because even though they don’t like to admit it, most of the time the dimension we complain about being seen in exclusively is the one we use as our power.
So a lot of people who say, “Oh, I just wish…” I know plenty of situations where there’s like women on Instagram who are saying, “I just… Guys only see me sexually,” and then their Instagram is filled with bikini pictures and you’re like, I’ve got nothing against someone putting bikini pictures. If it makes you feel good, if that’s what you like doing, great. But then don’t complain if people consistently see you in a sexual light first and foremost. Or someone who has a high flying job. Like you get men who, this is hilarious, like men who are in some high flying job or whatever, that’s all they ever fucking talk about. All they ever talk about is what they’ve achieved, their status, their power, their money, whatever. And then they’re like, “I just… you know, all these chicks, man, just want me for my money.” It’s like, yeah, douchebag. Because it’s all you ever talk about. So that’s the only dimension you’re seen in.
It tends to be whatever we secretly are most comfortable or feel most able to use as a source of validation. That’s the thing we put forward, but now what we don’t like is when we’re seen as just that. Well, if we don’t want to be seen as just that we have to start painting ourselves as three dimensional and that means bringing things into the frame that we are out of practice at bringing into the frame, or are uncomfortable to bring into the frame. Maybe because we don’t feel as accomplished in that area or because it feels more vulnerable. It feels like we’re being seen more to bring those things into the frame. But unless we’re prepared to bring all of our humanity into the frame, people are going to find it much easier to dehumanize us.
Thanks for watching everyone. I’d love to know what you think of this concept and if you want to have the chance at getting your love life question answered, go to AskMH.com. I will see you there.