Why Men “Love Bomb” and What You Can Do About It
Have you ever had someone come into your life, dazzle you with their initial investment and attention, only to disappear as fast as they came?
This phenomenon has been nicknamed “Love Bombing,” and it can be very painful, especially when you were led to believe it was going somewhere.
You may be asking yourself why someone would do this. In this week’s video I’ll show you…
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Why do men “Love Bomb”?
I got asked this question on one of our recent Love.Life webinars. Why do guys come in, get you attracted, make you fall in love, give you compliments, make promises, and then ghost you?
Love bombing is an interesting concept. And it’s one that’s worth understanding more about.
Why do guys do this?
Well, firstly, they do it because they’re insecure, right? Because they don’t feel “enough” unless they’re making someone fall in love with them. That they need someone to have an image of them that is so wonderful and reflected back to them, so that they can feel like, “Oh, okay, I can breathe. Look, someone’s falling in love with me. Someone thinks I’m amazing. Now, I guess I am amazing. Someone thinks it.”
And of course, in order to make you feel this, they say a lot of lovely things, they’re very charming, they make a lot of promises, and then can’t live up to those promises because it was never about building something. It was all always about feeling something.
Of course, the person on the receiving end becomes the collateral damage for this need that a person has.
Now, firstly, don’t beat yourself up because you feel all of this for this person. This person actually sold you on that image. They said things and did things to lead you down a certain path, to make you feel something, and then disappeared. You’re not crazy for feeling something, and you’re not crazy for feeling something really intense, because what the love bomber does is present the most intensely fantastic picture of themselves.
They put forward a version of themselves that is kind of like the version of themselves that people put out on Instagram. You know, you see these Instagram profiles where people look perfect in every single photograph. How is that? They’re choosing a certain filter or a certain angle or a certain lighting that always makes them look a certain way. People do that in their love lives when they love bomb people.
But in order to reduce our pain in this moment when someone disappears, we have to walk back the image that we have of that person. We have to begin to create a more sober image of a person. A person that we are looking back on and convincing ourselves was the great love we lost, when really that feeling, the intensity of that feeling, is based on an image that would be extraordinarily difficult for someone to live up to over a longer period of time.
I even think this not just in the case of someone who may be love bombed you after a few weeks or months, but let’s say someone who is with you for nine months or a year, in a kind of honeymoon phase of a relationship. And then they left. We’re in danger of forever comparing every long-term relationship we have with that person that we were with for nine months and seemed incredible. But what we didn’t see is what that person was like over two years, or five years, or a lifetime of marriage. So it actually becomes incredibly unfair to compare someone that we’re with for many years to the glamour and the shine of someone that we were with for nine months.
What can we do about this?
Firstly, be aware of anyone who seems to be giving you an unjustified amount of love, attention, compliments, making promises that don’t seem earned in a very short period of time. It doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t mean them. It just means that those things are very much unproven right now. It could be that it turns out to be real and that that’s the person you end up with. But what we have to do is even when someone else is trying to go at this rapid pace, and even if we’re enjoying that rapid pace, at the very least, internally, we have to modify our expectations until time proves those things to be real. Because someone delivering on those intentions through their actions over time is what lends gravitas to those early compliments and promises.
By the way, this concept is something that on my member’s webinar call today, I went into for 20, 25 minutes. And that’s when it turns from an idea into coaching. Ideas can help with your life. But coaching is what changes your life. That’s where the results are. So if you want to get coaching from me, graduate from a YouTube video each week to real deep-dive coaching on the issues that you want to work on, this is where it’s at. I’ll leave a link here. Come check it out for yourself. And as always, I will see you next week.