The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive

I’ve read countless complaints that go something like this: “Matt, I just don’t meet any guys I actually find attractive.” Or even more severe: “I can’t find a guy who I consider relationship-worthy for me. Maybe I’m destined to be alone…”

I understand that fear, but I also know that this is a dangerous psychology trap, one I’ve seen men and women of all ages fall into. If you feel like no guy is quite what you’re looking for, this is how to solve it…

When did someone’s curiosity allow your interesting side to come out? Leave a comment below…

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

120 Responses to The Simple Truth: Why You Don’t Find More Men Attractive

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  1. Judy Lee says:

    I have actually had 2 guys that I met through mutual friends within the last 2 years… We started out texting, talking on the phone, then dating. They were “into me” and one I really fell hard for. After a couple months the one just wanted to be friends because we could talk forever about anything… The one I fell hard for sent me a text after what I thought was a really nice weekend together that his ex called and they were going to try and work things out! Course about 3 weeks later, who does he call? I am a talker and I am straight up, honest… I work in a predominantly male field, so I have alot of male friends. I am normally not shy or intimidated by guys, I normally end up being “the friend.”. Not really your question, but how do I turn it around?

  2. Kathy says:

    I want to get “the guy” not a guy. I have zero problem getting a guy. Yes they show interest but they are not usually the ones I want. I don’t believe I am being too fussy. The truth is when someone comes on strong I usually find that unattractive and I don’t want to do that to anybody else because I know how uncomfortable that can feel myself especially when I am not interested on that level. There are exceptions of course but generally speaking I don’t find men who peacock attractive, unfortunately the ones who are attracted to me often seem to do this.The last dating partner that I had took his time and I did find that more attractive initially. He invested but then he whined about life all the time… I know everyone has flaws but surely it is ok to have some standards on who you want. I’d rather be alone to be honest than to keep settling.

  3. Allie says:

    It’s only if a guy finds you physically attractive will he even try to have interesting conversation. Most online guys are miserable at conversation and rarely ask anything personal about me. It’s been four years since a guy actually asked me about me. When I make the first move, shut down because they’re not attracted to me. Very disheartening.

  4. Laura says:

    Looking good Mr. Matty! I like the rugged laid back casual thing you have going on. XO

  5. Anna says:

    Oh yes. It did happen to me two months ago. He was so curious about me, my life, my story that suddenly i noticed with surprise that: „hey Anna, wait a minute! You are totally interesting girl!”
    Definitelly thanks his curiosity my interesting side come out so cleary that he noticed this as well

  6. Irina says:

    I have positively interviewed on dates and it didn’t make me feel more interesting. It made me feel like a science project.
    What I like is when someone actually sees me. As in ‘the me’. When someone gets me.
    I’m 29 and have had that happen to me only once. And I have been on many dates, have had many flings, I can tell when someone sees me or when they don’t. And I’m not ruling out that people might need a bit of time or several dates to see you, but I feel like too many people have an idea of you in their head too soon and don’t keep in mind that you’re a constantly evolving, complex organism.

  7. Emelle says:

    That happens everytime a man actually has a conversation with me and doesnt make the topic of convo of how pretty and sexy i am or about my curves or about sex period. When they actually talk to get to know me they find out more that they like beyond that.

  8. Avian says:

    That happens everytime a man actually has a conversation with me and doesnt make the topic of convo of how pretty and sexy i am or about my curves or about sex period.

  9. Susan says:

    I have met 2 men not guys or boys as I’m 60 now and I look 42. one is 62 and the other is 6 months younger than me. The latter I have been talking for a year now and we are so much alike. The other also thinks like me but blows hot and cold (a widower) I am equally attracted to both. Both long distance. The guys I meet here (not men) are in their 40’s but I don’t want to do younger again. The guys my age just stare at me and I don’t like to be looked at in a hard way.???

  10. Mj Coetzee says:

    Hi Matt I met n guy online about a year ago well I met a few but he stands out as we could chat really chat he showed the interest in me I craved for years. He really got to know the real me…. But is disappeared to reappear stating he got scared as it was moving to fast…. We haven’t as yet even met. I did the dumb thing as I wanted him so badly back in my life…. We stay miles apart so meeting will maybe never happen. Now every guy I meet online is doomed as I just can’t make the connection like I did with him. I live in a small town so meeting single guys is a problem. I did buy u r book so I am hopefully for the future. But I can’t just get that guy out of my mind

  11. Kristea Recaido says:

    Actually Mr.Matthew the guy get interesting in me when I wear my atracttive clothes and make-up but suddenly it goes gone for only the eyesight and never tried to talk to me if how’s my life and work to be…never knowing my good ideas that could be more make’s me attract.and do i look like so insane and dumb person to be like that?? He only do the Bad judgement…

  12. Precious says:

    Matt, I have no answer to your question. I simply don’t remember when last. I’ve just drifted on this boring/bored/ not into that board. Thank you

  13. Anastasia says:

    I just want to meet, hell even just see, a guy on the street and say “I like him”. Not like him as in I want to meet him or anything. Just see someone and say damn, yes.
    It has happened to me a couple of times in other countries, but it has never happened in mine. (No, it’s not an “exotic” factor). I’ve been in love, once, very destructive, but I wasn’t physically attracted to him and acknowledged that I didn’t actually “like” him.
    I just.. don’t think I can be attracted to anyone here, man or woman… Which is sad and frustrating because I don’t want to leave my country..

  14. Daniela DeCastro says:

    When they showed interest in what I do in my business.

  15. Patricia Keane says:

    men are people and people stay in conversations when honesty interest and humour play a part , get away from the “chatting up” scenarios and just be genuine. sometimes when we feel we are at hte most uninteresting in our lives, is when we are the most interesting!!

  16. EVA HERNANDEZ says:

    Hi Matt,
    Actually, just this morning,on POF (dating site). A man left me a message that was really good. He actually knew how to write lol. He was very honest n thorough in his profile. He seems interested in getting to know me. My interest is sparked. He liked my profile n attributes lol. Wish me luck. It’s been a long time since a man interested me.

  17. Georgina says:

    Hi Matt,

    I have been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks and i like him very much. Few days ago, he told me he has been in contact with his ex again and he needs to sort things/sort himself out before he could start seeing other person again. This makes me feel like – “not again… and I need to start over again to meet another guy…” so this might be another reason that I don’t find more men attractive…

  18. Raz says:

    Couple of weeks ago since 6 months but this interest lasted for 2 weeks only. All is gone after him not replying except for 1 out of 3 to my DM

  19. Jen says:

    I’m a 50 plus outgoing independent career woman. I find men my age are put off by my strength and stay away. I often have some great 30 something guys show genuine interest because they say they can have an honest conversation with me. There’s one guy who particularly interests me because he asks me intelligent business questions and deep philosophical questions and he’s genuinely interested. He also treats me like a queen He’s got my interest piqued.

  20. Jools says:

    I’m finding that I need to have that spark of attraction, maybe a nice smile, sparkling eyes, something and yes also a good conversation and interest, both ways and also them being able to keep in touch with a least the odd text! It really helps, but after having my heart hurt in the past, I do get defensive quickly! It’s not easy, like people say it is and also due to being in my 50’s!

  21. Felicity Pyke says:

    Hi Matt,
    I went through a breakup last Christmas we lived together for 10 months and I still miss him from time to time. I’m working on myself, my career and my home but I crave connection with the right guy I’ve been going out and talking to a lot of people as I’m not ready to go online but no one seems to measure up. Your pod casts are really helping me get my confidence back thanks. Felicity.

  22. Zarina says:

    U look fab! Yeah it was a really nice way to say how choosy we r.I met a guy who was talking of sensitive issues of artists whose work is not being sold. We spoke n then he looked interested in knowing me n then me too. We became great friends. People of same nature get along really well.

  23. Sarah Alarcon says:

    I’m a huge believer in travel and finding connections with people all over the world. When I was traveling through Panama alone, I asked some people in my hostle about sharing a ride to the canal. Lucky for me, a tall, hefty blonde young woman invited me to join her and her two friends.
    So, a yank, two kiwis, and a Brit head to the Panama Canal.
    The hefty blonde and the tiny lil Brit quickly warmed up to me. They had concocted a list of questions they would ask people on their travels that started shallow and went way deep. Like the worst moment of your life deep.
    So there I was, sharing my darkest secret with two people I had just met.
    What they taught me was that I don’t have to conform to formalities, and I can show someone who I am right away. What people call you is less important to me than knowing who you are. By being my authentic self right away, I can invite people to be vulnerable in a safe place.
    My new friends showed me that connection is always waiting a few steps outside your door.

  24. Johanna says:

    I went out with a guy . He was so astounded by my random music and movie culture knowledge , he said he had never had that level of conversation with a woman before . He just wanted to know more and more :) . I thought this would be a guy I could date long term , unfortunately , he got reassigned out of state :(

  25. Emme says:

    Hi Matt, I am guilty of not finding many men attractive. I never really thought about it though until now. Interesting, maybe its me, maybe its not. Most men seem silly to me. I rarely find one I can respect and admire. They ARE out there I do know several, my brother in-law, bosses, friends husband and a guy friend of mine. They are the best of men and I think they are great and I love them a lot. Why does it take so long for a man to mature and a woman so little time? I only know a couple of people in decent relationships, the rest just seem to stay out of habit and/or they don’t want to be alone. That seems just sad and pathetic to me. Life is for living not existing.

  26. Shannon Byard says:

    Hi there! I am not sure this is they type of answer you are looking for but this is how I interpret what you are asking. I have reconnected with a guy (he is 10 years younger than I am) I met 10 years ago. We met because of a mutual like for a band. One night 10 years ago, at a show, I wasn’t feeling well, and had to leave the concert to go sit in the car until I felt better. My guy, friend at the time, went and bought me flowers and just sat with me until I felt better, no expectations. He didn’t even attempt to make a move on me. Over these last 10 years, he has sent me text, checking up on my, on life, in general. We have only seen one another at concerts over the pats 10 years until this past July when I decided I was finally going to tell him how much I actually cared about him and how much his act of kindness 10 years prior meant to me. He responded with a “wow, I don’t really know what to say, I care about you too”. I told him I wanted to kiss him in that moment and he responded, “I want to kiss you too but I just don’t know”. I told him I respected his right to feel/say that way, but that didn’t change how I felt and that I would like to keep seeing him if he felt the same, which he said he did. Since that night, and over the past month, we have gone on three dates. He still doesn’t make any moves and we only hug, no kissing even yet. He told me that he wanted to build on what we had and get to know each other more, and each time we have gone out, he has asked me lots of fun questions about myself which makes me want to open up more and feel like someone is interested in hearing about me, which in turn, makes me more interested in learning and asking more about him. The problem is, we only text, and I feel like I mostly have to make the first move on that end, but not all of the time. It feels like he wants more than just a friendship, but because he never tries to kiss me, or call, or anything other than texting once a week to see “what is your week like, I may have time to get together”, I just don’t know. A conversation came up about online dating and how I have never done it before, I asked him if he had and he said “no, It wouldn’t be fair to the other person because I just don’t have time”?? What does that mean? I may be answering my own question here but what should I do? Why does he keep wanting to do things with me but never take it any further? Even though he seems genuinely interested in me and my likes/dislikes/life, he doesn’t seem interested in taking the next step and at this point all I am wanting is a kiss! Help! Thanks, Shannon

  27. Netanya says:

    I found someone to find me interesting and then in return, them interesting, when they asked about my field of interest and literally immersed themselves in my field, like what they’d do.
    But I guess that’s the beauty of human interaction.

  28. Terri says:

    I am up to approx 50 dates now over 3 years. I cant find men attracted. Some very nice guys and a lot in common but not attracted physically. Most of them my age 55-60 dont look after themselves like pot belly, teeth are brown etc. Only One date a few weeks ago did stir my pot and opened me up but has dissappeated because he got too hot and heavy with txts and wanting me to have sex straight away. I followed your advice what to say and it didnt work. This is a guy who i would not look twice but he made me laugh so much and brought me out of my shell really quickly and he was full of life. Now i have lost him. No others 49 dates made me feel alive as much. Grooming and healthy lifestyle is an issue with most men.

  29. Siobhan says:

    Hi Matt,

    I was really drawn to watch this video because I felt that this is a problem I relate to. However, after watching it, I’m not sure that this really solves my problem.

    I believe that I really do engage with the men I meet on a deeper level. And I certainly don’t have problems in keeping men interested in me or attracted – many men have said to me that what they find most attractive about me is the conversation. I genuinely find people very interesting and love to ask questions about who they are and why they have made the choices they have made. However, for me the problem is that most men are just as good as each other. Each is interesting and attractive in some ways and flawed in others. I try to explore my dating possibilities by going out on successive dates even if I don’t feel any kind of spark – but I haven’t felt a “spark” in years. These men are all lovely people, interesting and sensitive and intelligent. But no-one really stands out. Maybe I’m hoping for a solution that you don’t have, but I’m open to suggestions.

  30. Carin says:

    Just a couple of days ago – someone asked, I replied. And the best was the follow-up questions – he had listened :)

  31. Emma says:

    I have a hard time meeting guys with the right intentions and that want to know me for who I am instead of how I look. But one guy stood out from the crowd and showed interest in the real me. We’ve been talking for seven months now and met up about three months ago and the connection grew even stronger.
    The sad part is that he lives in San Diego and I live in Sweden. You just can’t have it all…

    But even though he’s miles away he makes an effort in keeping in touch and that’s more than the guys living in my town does.

  32. Sue says:

    Hey Matt and Crew,

    I think it’s always these moments, when someone is really flexible, open-minded and curious when it comes to spend time together. It’s easy to motivate them for things they haven’t done in a long time or haven’t done at all. They *really show* that they embrace what you have to offer. It’s not out of boredom, low self-esteem or out of politeness. They make you feel it’s because they enjoy the event and the time with you, feel enlightened by your thoughts and both feel really energetic after having met.

    Once you realize this person is not going to vanish out of the blue, you get curious to see what else connects you. As a reaction to that I am a lot more motivated to talk to them about other plans, ideas or give them more insight to who I really am. Most often I can show my interesting sides in a more personal and private atmosphere. For example triggered by straigth questions about live, love and attitudes that have no easy answer. Additionally, a straight question about a complex topic shows that there is a real interest in listening to a complex reply. And if they really listen, it’s great. But happens rarely.

  33. Kat says:

    Last guy to show interest in me has odd behavior habit and is way too immature in behavior and actions . I had one like that before thought I’d give a guy a chance and when I said enough he decided to Stalk me for 3 yrs .. so here’s my ? How do I find a man who’s over 50 mature and can play guitar and wants to perform in a rock band with me no smoking drugs or alcoholics .. or I’m I wanting too much? ✌

  34. Kyla says:

    When I was in 7th grade I was going to my 2 period math class I walked in and there was a seating chart. It was next to him, his name was Owen. When I first walked to the seat next to him he was really intimidating, I thought maybe he would be mean but it turned out he was really nice, I almost ran into someone trying to pull out my chair while me saying hi to him and he helped pull out my chair for me. From there we became good friends, we talked when we could during math and we laughed over so many things and we were both at the same kind of level in math so we worked together on a lot of the assignments, he and I got to know each other because he was interested in me and I was interested in him. Owen made math fun and more enjoyable to go to everyday. Then it happened…… right before Christmas break on the last day, he gave me a hug as class ended and I wished him to have a great break and that I’d see him in a week. Over the break I couldn’t stop thinking about how he hugged me and how sweet that was. I decided to make him a Christmas card and give it to him the day we got back. It turned out that we had moved seats again so I had to find him in the class before giving it to him, he was really happy that I made him a card which made me happy. He said he’d give ME something on Thursday, of course I just said that he doesn’t have to. Here came Thursday and there was nothing, I acted as if I forgot the whole thing but I was wondering if he was just making it up to please me or something in the moment. Friday rolled by and as I was going to my 6th period class the last one of the day, he stopped by my locker and handed me a slip of paper, I tried to take but he held on for a second of hesitation but then let go, at this point I already guessed what it would be, and it was……it was him asking me out. I want to keep it short and say that we dated for four months and those 4 months were the best ever and we really got to know one another.

  35. Rebecca Massengale says:

    My ex who was murdered in 93 was the last one

  36. Stephanie Ann Kessler says:

    You’re right Matt about us being interested in people.. that’s the only way they’ll be interesting. I had someone sit with me post-dinner and ask me questions and generally just be interested in what I had to share. The conversation became so easy because we both got to talk about life and share some stories that shed more light on who we are. We still talk from time to time and I treasure that time spent.

  37. Gene Lambert says:

    Typically never i’ll ask all the questions but they never bother askin me questions. Usually since they don’t ask I always have to find some point to tell them something when I find an oportunity that matches the conversation. Just makes me feel there so into themselves that there closed off even when they say they want know more about you.

  38. Joey says:

    Meh. Lots of men are interested in me. It doesn’t make me bloom; it actually makes my shrink. I’m already a blossom. You’re basically saying a woman needs a man to be complete. I’m a fabulously interesting person. I’ve spent years cultivating my personality, intellect and spirituality without a male. I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who wasn’t nearly as attractive.

  39. Ki says:

    When I had just moved, the guy that helped me move—the friend of a friend—stopped by to visit (I hadn’t been interested in him because he was 5 years younger than I, and I had always talked with him like there was no future together—just being myself, and asking him about himself).
    In the unpacked items was a box of little things from school that my mom had saved for me. I showed him some of the things (like drawings of things starting with the letter “m” from Kindergarten) and told him the stories behind them. He seemed genuinely interested. I was impressed by that, and started to view him as a potential boyfriend (which he had wanted all along, because he thought I was interesting!)
    Twenty seven years later, we have been married for 24 years…

  40. LB says:

    Hi Matt,

    Last year I met a guy who was so interesting that has done so much with his life that it made me feel a little less special, spontaneous and that I haven’t done anything interesting with my life, but I shared a lot of my interesting story’s that made me seem less boring and more special. Needless to say we were in A relationship for 4 months, we lived together did everything together but the problem was, he still classed himself as single and I slowly realised that the relationship was in fact toxic, he would judge my appearance, pick out all of my floors and compare me to other people especially his ex. For once in my live I had let someone in and brought down my walls and fell in love (my walls had been up since an ex who was a psychopath raped me and turned my family against me). He started saying I had to stay at my mother’s more and then eventually move out, but I had little bits of evidence cropping up that he was cheating (condoms going missing and strange hair in the bed that wasn’t mine). We ended the relationship and since then I have been unable to find any attraction in anyone else. I have been on dates and have physically cringed with goodbye kisses. Now I know I’m not going to find Mr right because I’m not ready for Mr right and I’m focusing on myself. I’ve had people interested in me but I can’t bring myself to be interested in them (and I think this is a reoccurring problem with woman if you agree), even physical contact is uncomfortable. Online dating like tinder or plenty of fish or whatever apps out there are ok, but they are only glosserys into who people really are and when you meet them they’d be completely different, just like shows on Netflix, everybody is a critic and very sceptical.

    Love to know what you think!

  41. SHALUSINGH says:

    I m scroll thousands of man in dating app but I don’t like man .. it seem quite lonely in my heart .. I need man but I don’t believe I realtionship because someone broken my heart .. damage my all feeling .. what can I do ?
    M forget that person but how ??

  42. Josefine says:

    I felt so dissapoint for some man they will aproach later they no more calling or chatting what can i do to such man.

  43. Lynn says:

    Hi Matt I met someone in Jan 2018 online and he was most amazing to carry a conversation with. I was not really looking to meet someone at the time but he really took the time to ask me questions and our conversations just blossomed for months after. I only gave him my ph number after like 6 wks. We talked daily through the site we met and I met him in person a few wks before he got my number. It was an amazing connection where we talked about our kids shared photos and things going on in our lives daily when we did not see each other face to face, which actually come to think of it. I felt more like a pen pal but now that seems to have gone away now that he realizes I have developed actual feelings for him. Now our conversations are when it seems more convienient for him and he does not make time for me anymore. But yes he did get me to open up on levels I had not done in a long time as I was in a very toxic relationship prior to that. So maybe he was just in my life to help me open up I don’t know but after getting to know him better and him convincing me for months that he would be worth my time and I did start to fall for him unfortunately, he may seem to think of me as only a friend that he communicates on occasion now as he pulled back. So now wondering if he was just a player. He words do not match his actions. .

  44. Mary says:

    Hi Matthew,
    Thank you for your insights!
    Not sure this story fits but:

    I went out for dinner on a date.
    The server stopped by to take our plates. My date stopped her and said, “I’m still working on that!”
    When she left he growled under his breath, “take your paws off my plate.”
    It reminded me of when I was living in Tokyo.
    It was 10:30 at night in the middle of Fall.
    I was exhausted having worked all day and was waiting for a train at Yokohama station.
    I looked around for an available seat on the platform and then finally spied one.
    It appeared to have a can of coffee forgotten there.
    I placed the can on the ground and sat down with a sigh.
    Immediately a voice beside me growled in Japanese, “WTF are you doing, foreigner?”
    I froze for an instant before turning to him with a slight bow and responded, “Please forgive my rudeness.”
    After a couple of seconds he came back with, “I’m sorry.”
    “That’s okay,” I said. “It’s been long day for everyone.”
    We struck up a conversation and by the time our train arrived we’d both forgotten how tired we were.
    I shared that story with my date. He loved it and I think he felt a little ashamed of himself at the end of it!

  45. Esme says:

    I often wish dating apps had a little video blurb. I find it hard to judge attractiveness from a photo. But when I hear how they speak or represent themselves, attraction can be more easily confirmed. Either it’s the model hot guy who turns out to be a dud with nothing interesting to say, or the guy next door type who happens to have charming witty speak and even has a sparkle in their eyes when they smile. It takes leg work to get there. I am absolutely more likely to open up when a guy shows genuine interest and offers fun/whimsical conversation. It’s just more fun to talk to that person. Someone who can drop the ego, and just take a chance seems more independent and sexy to me. Even if it doesn’t work out, it helps me open up and truly see them and vice versa. I’m pretty social and often guys think we have a great connection because I make it easy for them to open up. My standards are a little higher than just good conversation, but at least it gets my foot in the door more often. I’m dating someone now and enjoying getting to know them.

  46. Imane Daouiri says:

    You didn’t talk about attraction. You can find someone interesting for discussion, for company, for practicing a hobby, intelligent, but not feel attracted to him Physically, and you wanna be his friend. It’s not superficial, physical is important, and that’s why, by the way, all guys prefere to be with a nice looking lady. People want to look at a nice face, a nice shape, everyday, that’s make a fucking difference.

    Sometimes you watch the movie, and you know you’ve just lost 2hours of your time, that’s why there are descriptions, and comments, you can do a research before watching, or at least know what you want, unless it’s a waste of time. Thank you :)

  47. Iskander says:

    Catriona, you said Irish men are different. In what way? What is it that you feel is different in their mindset and behavior?

  48. Megan says:

    I absolutely believe that, the more you get to know a person, the more attractive or sometimes unattractive they become. I ask people really good questions because I am looking for a deeper connection. The last time someone’s curiosity allowed me to blossom was a non-romantic relationship I had with a teacher. She asked me about myself and my goals and dreams and how I was working on them. I can say because of this teacher I pursued things I didn’t think I was capable of. As for men, it’s very rare that I even get follow up questions like “what about you?”. Most of the time I have to volunteer the info or ask them if they want to know anything about me. It’s become a red flag for me if a person doesn’t ask me questions about myself. It’s very important for me to find someone that is as curious about me as I am in them.

  49. Ginny says:

    Matt, I think you have a lot of valuable suggestions but they don’t always apply. I have had to learn to turn off the talking about myself with guys until I know I have first passed their physical test and even then I have to be cautious how much I share. If the guy himself has had a boring life it will be intimidating to hear about someone who has had an interesting one and his insecurity will show thru, granted that man in not the right man for me anyway. I have no trouble talking to anyone, I can spark up a conversation no matter where I am, it’s really not that hard. But if a guy doesn’t find you attractive they could care less if you are interesting. I have tried turning it around and just ask them questions about themselves to test the waters before offering too much about myself. I have been widowed a long time and have always kept a positive attitude, forced myself out the door, never turned down an invitation, always open to adventure and sometimes made a fool of myself but even then just never made a connection that lead to anything. Yes, it’s important to stay connected to people and find them interesting so you don’t become boring but it is no guarantee to find the guy!

  50. Svjetlana says:

    I dont remember That cause I really think That today -man Are no gentlman and they dont try hard anymore..or perhaps I’m just sticking fools

  51. Jenifer says:

    After being single for several years after a divorce and trying out a dozen dating apps and being completely turned off from each one due to the mentality of the guys on them I would say that I definitely approach dating apps this way. I used to swipe right a lot and then make an effort to say hello to these guys and ask questions but now I find its all a waste of time for so many reasons. I can probably list a thousand reasons why dating apps are a waste of time but in response to this video I would say, yes making an effort definitely helps. You have a greater chance of starting a conversation by initiating, but dialogue is two ways. And there so so many men (and women too) that are jaded or only looking for a hookup or all about themselves. After a few years, the quickest way for me to stop talking to someone and choose to move on is when i spend a couple days pulling information from someone and they never ask about me. This happens ALL the time. Initially I would offer information. Like oh you like comedy’s, mee too. What are some of your favorites? Mine are xyz. But it never seemed to help. The guys that are interested/ready to date will want to get to know you. They will ask questions. The ones that aren’t ready or aren’t interested will talk but only if you are making all of the pushes and doing all of the work. Its now a major turn off. The problem with online dating is that its easy. Its easy to swipe, wasy to move on because there are other “fish” in the sea, there are a lot of jaded people on their that have been annoyed by dating so they don’t want to invest in people because they’ve already invested in 10 girls and it went no where, and there are a lot of people that just ended a relationship and aren’t really ready to move on but want to feel good by seeing what is out there. I have even tried sites like Eharmony, where you have to pay to play hoping the people on there would be in a more stable place and ready to meet someone special, but instead I just got more of the same…only now I am paying just so these guys can not wven bother to respond to my messages or respond a week later and say “hi”. So I say hi and try to start a conversation and i get nothing for another week then I get “hi” from them again. What a waste.

  52. Deanna says:

    I have met 2 guys I liked before. I talked with each of them and danced I feel like maybe I was too nervous and seemed bland.
    The only guys that have danced with since like me, but I don’t like them. I think I care too much is why I can’t find anyone.
    I am going to just enjoy life and hopefully I will have a happy ending. I am going to be o.k. either way. I need to figure out what I want in life.

  53. Susan says:

    I always seem to pick the wrong men. I had forgotten the ways of reaching out to a man and what he wants.
    I also often like to take charge of a relationship when I should let the man do the chasing.
    The interesting side of me to come out is when you know they are really into you and there is that great connection. But for me it happened all to fast.
    He treats you like a Queen and he is my King. He will do anything for you.

  54. Chantalle says:

    Hi Matt.
    My issue is that if a guy shows interest, I shy away. Since I am very introverted person most people will think either I am not interested or just stuck up. I am not outgoing and hate small talk. To me it’s just feels fake.
    Most men won’t go any further to find out. It’s to the point I don’t bother anymore.

  55. Susan says:

    I notice I enjoy opening up when people ask me about my travels and fun things; in contrast, I notice I feel as if I’m being “interviewed” when people ask a lot of questions about work (where do I work, what’s a day like, how is it to be a woman in finance, etc) and where I live. It’s such an interesting awareness because I’m comfortable with what I do and live, however in some way find them judging and putting my into a typecast that I don’t want to be in. Sounds like I need to change my perpective

  56. Catriona says:

    Hi Matt and Team.
    I guess you could say I am now currently in overload of everything you have taught me in the past few weeks.I mean this the best way possible.
    I have taken the Find the guy program and embraced it as best I can and everyday is improving my interaction with Men and I am so much happier. However its not about the atractive men its really any man
    I work in the Hospitality industry and I talk to ever one.i love talking to people. Its a gift to interct with other people. When it comes to guys thats a different story! Until now.
    Its alot easier now. However I seem to chat to guys that already attached. I dont understand why I attract Attached
    Men all the time. plus living in Ireland I honestly think that our Culture is unique and Irish Men are so differnt. Its like everything you talk about doesnt work here.
    I would like you to talk about different places and how men and women interact. But I am struggling with this now.I am back at the start but I will keep postitve. I do wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe thats why this happens. I really hope you understand where I coming from.
    Thank.you
    Very Puzzled Catriona

  57. Kari Holloway says:

    I agree to this to an extent! The last guy that was truly attracted to me, and was ”curious” and truly wanted to know more about me, was Jesse. He was educated, sweet, crazy cute, and super attentive. But we didn’t see eye to eye on one major thing – religion. It was a big part of my life – not so much in his. But because he was so incredibly kind, he told me that it didn’t bother him at all that I was devout, even if he wasn’t. He respected it. But as things started to move in a more serious direction, it was something that was always in the back of my mind. I just knew that, down the road, it wouldn’t work. It would get too difficult. So, I did the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done – I told him goodbye. And I have this horrible feeling that I will always regret that decision.

    The reason for telling that story is… it makes you afraid that you’ll never find anyone else like that. That cared about you. That WANTED you. That was always “curious” about you.
    I know I have to trust God that one day He will put someone, just like that (but even better!), before me. I’m just so afraid that he was it, and I passed him up. And every guy since Jesse, has ended up being big disappointments.

  58. Anna says:

    Actually funny as it might be its when out shopping meeting an old colleague. He made me feel important and interesting (maybe because I looked better than ever or he was recent’y separated) but he asked real questions, no small talk like we normally do. And I opened up. The sad thing there is a man interested in me (old flame) and I can listen to him for an hour and nod the head, ask qsts… but he rarely ask questions back and i feel he is not interested in knowing ME even if he says he is deeply and cannot stop thinking about me… its like if he is in love with his own mind. I am bored and the first thing I noticed is that I lose my energy, my smile, my sparkles… and the other guy, even though there is less physical attraction I feel more alive. I think everything is in the feeling of connection. And some people even though you want one it just does not happens. Go figure! Its so confusing! Loving the subject you brought in this video…

  59. Angie says:

    I think the problem is i’m waiting for « sparks » to happen when i meet someone. I’m not having any luck . The only guys who I feel attracted to are either already taken or not interested

  60. Diane says:

    I try always to think that talking to or meeting a guy is not always about me, whats in it for me, I met a guy on chat we talked for a couple of weeks was funny and inspiring conversation so we decided to meet, he for many reasons is not my type and i could tell he knew that already, but we had our coffee, he converstation was cooler,and i said to him that, he said he clearly knew i was not for him, too attractive and so on, but i said b4 we met we chatted so well, why cant we just be friends, and share good company, we had talked about that, who knows you may meet someone through my friends or visa versa, why choose to be alone..I said i would remain his chat friend for as long as that was good..yes staying interesting comes from what we do and how we see life, but just try to remove expectations and see what can happen…Amazing thanks Matt this was a good response to my inner questions on your NewYork interviews

  61. Dori says:

    I always try to show my best even if people doesn’t seem to be interested in me. I just realizing in several cases that the energy what I am giving to the people is what I am going receive back. So I try to don’t care whether that particular person is interesting, or boring, because that shouldn’t really change who I am. When I realize that a person who I am talking to is not that interesting or not interested, I would just go and find someone else to spend time with.

  62. Robin Wenz says:

    First I think that a mean’s lack of interest in getting to know us kills attraction. They’re either talking more about themselves with uninteresting topics like sports or hunting. They don’t demonstrate that they’ve read our profile. Also, men OFTEN get too touchy feely too quickly or they flirt and quickly try to start making out which pushes sex and it’s just a turn off. Second, I feel that a lot of the men just don’t have the same interests or hobbies and they cannot carry a discussion. Maybe it’s lack of education and knowledge or maybe they just don’t care. They are more focused on the quickest way to have sèx. I think most men lie on their profile saying that they’re looking for a relationship or marriage and in truth they are just looking for friends with benefits or sexual gratification. An attractive man acts like a gentleman, gets to know me, respects me and won’t even bring up sex until he can actually tell and show me how well he knows me. When he can give to me a very accurate descriptive summary of who i am,
    then I might find him more attractive. It certainly would please me that he’s remembered and gone out of his way to know me. For example, we might be shoe shopping and he might pick out a size 5 shoe, low heel, color blue that I like and ask how about this? Just the fact that he knows my size and my color is amazing. Or we’re going through a department store and he picks up my favorite perfume and says “I would love to smell this on you.” Or maybe he surprises me with tickets to my favorite concerts. When he does these activities, he’s reaffirming that he’s listening to me and he’s getting to know me. That behavior makes him more attractive to me. If he’s not pushing sex by constantly wanting to make out the first 6 or so dates, I feel more comfortable that he’s getting to know me first, and allowing me to find him sexually attractive. He demonstrates respect, patience and a true desire to get to know me. Those aspects allow me to be more turned on. I know that’s more than two examples that you asked for that I wanted to make sure That I hit all the bases I could think of up importance.

  63. Lynda says:

    Sometimes they do the thing that we hate the most , and what attracts really are “the acts “. A “MAN acts” are more attractive than the way they look or dress

  64. Monserrat Robles says:

    Hi Mathew!
    Thanks for your advice! But what happened when this is not the case?
    What if I told you that I live in a country where really there is no potential guys!! Or are took or are assholes (or immature). What can i do? To really find that connection?
    Where to look for! Or just hang out with people and wait for it to happened by doing what I like? And don’t worry about it?

  65. Maina says:

    Hi Matt,

    To answer to your question… None… actually maybe one time I was 15 yrs old I’m now 28yr old…. men I dated ask me questions so they can use me afterward or get me in their bed… I love LOVE I want that love… I’m a curious person naturally I like.when people.talk about interestings things so I open my mind in diffents contexts or situations… I’m not the “super pretty top model magazine” woman I’m just a plus sized woman try to accept the way she is and wanna give respectful and kind love and being love in return without judgement or pity or change of hearts… I want a decent and a great man that love kids!!! Because I have twins

  66. Lorraine says:

    First – I sort of disagree, sorry Mathew. I think there has to be a physical attraction, and fairly quickly. I expect it of myself, and I expect it in a man. That being said, I do agree with interacting with people, romantic interest or not. The best life changing advice from Mathew was talk to everyone. It is interesting and fun to make a connection with a complete stranger. It really is fun, and it makes it that much easier when it’s that hot guy, if it’s just a habit to talk to people. Just watch the world and see how many people are buried in their phones. It’s no wonder people don’t connect. When I was in NY for your live event I watched it all day on my long trip. I actually talked to strangers, and I think a couple of people were relived to put their phones down to chat, almost hungry for interaction. That may just bring curiosity about me to people, but I genuinely enjoyed learning about them too.

  67. Jessica Pehrson says:

    Thanks for the help jz

  68. Mirella Torrisi says:

    He speaks the truth.

    Many years ago I came up with this: “you have to be interested to be interesting”. I’ve been living that way since my teens and can attract men and even men I like “sometimes” (I’ve got other issues stopping me).

    It works. Shut your eyes and lie. Basically the next time you’re bored and at a party or somewhere, where you don’t care about outcomes, feign interest to practice. Practice enough, then you won’t be as afraid to appear interested ever. Yes that matters. You might even fall over a man you like if you’re lucky early.

    But you may not. I’m in my 40s and while I can attract men I can’t keep them!

    Men I like are very difficult to find, because I’m not an easy person. I’m cynical, very passionate and a little scary. But- the last one I found was a few months ago and I did it, by giving him a chance. I gave him enough attention to find out who he was (it didn’t work out) but that’s how I did it.

    I still employ this tactic pretty much always just to pass time. It makes people (AND LIFE) more interesting.

    PRO: Men I do like think I’m confident and I get the chance to speak to them.

    CON: I attract a lot of men with social disorders, because they’ve finally met a friendly warm woman who they stake ALL of their dating options on. I don’t do this intentionally. Sometimes you don’t realise that’s what you’re dealing with until you speak to people.

    The only time I don’t feel like doing this is when I’m really down, have suffered a setback or I’m draining the same pool (i.e. the scene is small).

    I’m sorry if not helpful. The message is: there’s yet MORE work that can be done by YOU to “maybe” fix it That is, I know you’ve tried things. Going to different places etc..but if you want an outcome and you’re not where you want to be so far, you have to try something else. It’s exhausting, I know. Sorry if this sounds harsh or glib. I don’t mean to sound that way at all. I have other issues!

  69. Ghislaine Jean says:

    This is how I met the man of my life: At a local party, I was looking at the surface (shy guy standing there looking at me for quite some time with a small smile) when my girlfriend blurted out “You’re too picky! Just go over there and talk to him!” I said “Fine!” and went over to say hi and the rest is history 15 amazing months later.

    To answer the question, our first official real date, he wanted to do an activity I shined at (paddleboarding) and that he had never done. This spoke volumes to me.

  70. Rose says:

    2 times…1st time was 18 years ago, I was helping the secretary at work answer phones. One of the remote workers called for some info and quoted a line from an old movie. I gave him the info plus the response that went with his movie quote. He was impressed and started asking about me. He started calling during my breaks. We talked about movies, local film festivals, favorite directors, that lead to soundtracks and music, and he was amazed that I tried to learn the clarinet and piano when I was in school and I was thinking about starting up again. Those chats and talks gave my interest in movies a boost and I did start practicing on the piano. We talked for about 2, 2.5 months. Unfortunately, he lost interest when he came to the office for a meeting and he saw me.

  71. Linda Wilson says:

    Hi Matt ive being feeling like this for a very long time.Im.a.42yrold divorce w 2 kids i have an awesome kids & a job.which im very passionate about are fit and healthy.Ive being technically single for 5yrs and have been on alot of dates websites had a few flings.My prob is thati fell.completley in love with a man whom o have an Amazing friendship , physical chemistry with who ive known for almost 6yrs.We were casually dating each other for over 12 months up until Feb this year until i confessed my love for him he told me we couldnt continue sleeping w each other & dating and yet really wantsto still be close friends because he does not want a relationship w anyone and feels he cannot connect w me or anyone on emotional level so therfore wantsto remain single.I am soo heartbroken over him because when im w him ifeel soo happy, comfortable, safe, at peace to be in his presence makes me feel energised, excited .I have never felt such a strong connection being with another human being on this planet I know he was sleepung with and dating other women while he was w me and im not happy about it either i know i deserve to be treeted better as i have always beung kind, accomadating and made myself available to him at his requests.I feel like i am literally going crazy over gim he is stuck in my damn head every sec of every day , i am soo frustrated by this as i have tried soo hatd to put myself back out there and date other men go out more and have more fun and ihave met soo many men and feel nothing for any of them.Kaine my guy usually makes the contact w me once a fortnight to come and see me at home and we usually have a few dribks share some dinner have a good chat and watch a bit of tv when he comes over and he always makes it clear that even though he would be happy to have sex w me in a heartbeat we cannot because of my feelings towards him.I never have and still dont msg him i wait for him too msg me as i feel if i do it will be inconvient to him and i may push him away by giving off a needy vibe ahhh the mind games im.soo sick of it.I feel so broken not just because of him but also from my 21yr relationsgip w my husband who was soo abusive on every level and had a string of affairs on me that i feel like giving up altogether.Its really breaking me inside as i know im a good person w a.big.heart and have soo.much love to give yet i keep.getting hurt and made to feel.that being a real kind caring honest woman is unattractive
    I.really feel.that my love for Kaine will not.change as i have walked away from him for 6 mths 3 times and he always finds a way to come back to find me and each time the feelings ate soo strong.What can i do.to help myself in this situation and.please dont tell me its best to walk away as its no.use ive done that and all i do is miss.him and fight w my feelings every day.Kaine is 42 and has no kids has a great career and has also been in.a 3yr relationship and was engaged, he.cheated soo.she left him.He then married a 26yrol 12.mths later and the marriage only lasted 6 mths after being w her for only 6.mths as she lied and said she was pregnant.He has also been hurt badly and struggles to emotilnally connect with women.How can i emotionally connect w him.Please help.me Matt all i want is for me and my girls to be a strong secure happy.family unit again and too be happy w a man that i love.He.is also.prob the only.man tat i have actually trusted enough to be around my children.and they absolutley adore him which means the world too me.If i could permanentley erase all.my feelings for him i would but i cant.What do i do.Please.help me i feel like giving up on love altogether even though i really dont wanto ive had enough.By the way he actually recently sat in on one of your seminars in Sydney and said how he felt you wete right w everything you said and he agreed with all your views and advice.Interesting isnt ot that a man who says doesnt want a relationship makes an effort.to attend one of your sessions?? I would be soo appreciative for any response or feedback from you if you even really get to read this, please give me hope.Regards, Linda x

  72. Vicki says:

    Not sure if this qualifies or not, but I saw a guy looking at me as I sat asleep in my car once. I vaguely knew him from high school. Although we never spoke at that time or since, I ended up writing an erotic book from the encounter. I would dearly love to tell him but he has made it clear he does not want to talk.

  73. Robin Wenz says:

    Matt, I can’t just give two response.
    You need to hear many challenges that women face. First, lots of men my age don’t physically take care of themselves. I have no desire to mother them as I’ve already raised two boys, a dog and their dad. Second, men are superficial. They have no idea what a good relationship is beyond sex and a women’s looks. Third, most of the men are uneducated. They speak hillbilly dialect, spell like an eight year old and they only know how to converse about sex, tattoos, motorcycles, sports, and drinking. Fourth, they have mutilated their bodies with piercings and body art . I don’t want to get laid by a “picture”. I’m turned off by body art. Fifth, drinking more than moderately, smoking and drugs are a turnoff. Sixth, grossy homes are an indication of what I can expect in the future sigh them. They never ask about me except what I do for a living and sexual related questions. A lot of men can’t converse with women at all. On dating sites they aren’t even responding to messages! When they do respond, they don’t answer my question ❔ to get conversation going, They just say hey sexy! Hey beautiful! They won’t meet in person. They just want to waste my time texting stupid non flowing conversations “Sup? ” “Have a good day”. “Thanks for writing. I’m Bob.”. ” Heading to the gym”. Sigh… I’m heading to the block button. I’m tired and too old for this nonsense.

  74. Ranjana says:

    When did someone’s curiosity allow my interesting side to come out??

    Well it’s been a long time. Such thing lastly happened about 8 years ago. And I’ve not found someone interesting ever since then :(

  75. Me says:

    I have a question. I tend to establish emotional connections easily, but not with the right guys. I tend to friend zone people a lot (I think I’m too picky). However, the person I’m with now is lovely, he’s kind and caring but I don’t feel any real connection on my end. Is there a way I can help a connection to blossom or should I just call it quits, been together around 5 months.

  76. Grace says:

    Can I just date you Matthew? One of the reasons I watch your videos is because you’re cute

  77. Nicola says:

    My last partner had wanted to date me for years and I always turned him down he always told me what he thought I’d like to hear, I just wasn’t attracted to him. I come out of a long relationship that nearly broke me. So the guy I didn’t find attractive messaged me so i thought I’d give it a go and see if their was anything between us. We went out a few times and he was lovely to me but the spark wasn’t their. my friends and family told me to give it a go because of never been treated so good before and that’s why I was feeling the way I was. 3 months down the line the little lies he had told me stared to surface they then got bigger and bigger by this stage o was 3 weeks pregnant he wanted to move in with me and when I wanted some alone time he started an argument. Needless to say with the lies I had in my previous relationship I was having none of it this time. I finished with him an now nearly two years on I have a beautiful son who he has never seen r wanted to see. I just can’t talk to men anymore for the fear of the lies and hurt they’ve caused..

  78. Cheryl says:

    What pops in my head about a curiosity convo is this. I’m on a 2nd date with a guy. Our date was about 5 hours long. Somehow we both got onto the subject of 50 Shades and our interest in that… not something I’d normally talk about for sure. Date ended nice with some kissing. Exchanged texts during the week then no responses from him after 2/3 texts. I don’t think that was the reason. So continuing the search.

  79. Katie says:

    I’m 27, single and in a wheelchair. I’ve tried online dating multiple times with no real success. However I did meet this one guy, 34, who was in a wheelchair and loved out of state. We talked everyday for about 3 months. He was charming, flirty and seemed to have true feelings. He got me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to open up and flirt back also. Then reality got the best of us, you see his disability is worse off than mine and I asked a how a relationship would work for us. He apparently didn’t like that questioning and started getting distant and insecure about my feelings for him. As of right now we are not talking.

  80. Sheri says:

    I was walking my dog, in the downtown area . Stopped to get something to eat, while I was waiting I sat where I could watch my dog and a guy who was sitting next to me started to talk to me.

  81. Lani says:

    I am 32, no man who I show a romantic interest in has shown anything back.
    I look young for my age, I feel flattered when younger guys show interest. Usually, my interest goes away when age info is exchanged.

    I make friends easily, mixture of single and married people.

    It is spring in RSA. I have a spring dance to attend next weekend. My friend has arranged a blind date…hold thumbs!!

  82. Ama says:

    Hi Matthew
    I once went to a neighbourhood party and was feeling very bored and increasingly uncomfortable. I found myself in a conversation with a guy who also seemed bored and uncomfortable and we were exhausting our remaining small talk. THEN we discovered that we had exactly the same, fairly unusual, job – and one that didn’t involve many other people. We talked for hours. And this wasn’t a romantic/sexual scenario, as his wife was there too! He just suddenly becamse very interesting at exactly the same point that I became interesting to him.

  83. Maya says:

    Totally agree.. what would be the right questions to ask to pull out the interesting depth of our potential dates though??

    Would you guide us in that

    Thanks

  84. Gatsby says:

    Never. I simple don’t or I don’t thinks I’m good enough.

  85. Ket says:

    The saddest thing is, quite honestly, no one has ever attempted to dig inside and get to know the real me. You could ask every single person who knows me what kind of person I am, and every single one would have a different response.

  86. Kathy says:

    Usually I run a mile when someone does that because 9 times out of 10 they turn out to be weirdos who won’t leave me alone… but I suppose there has been a couple of times when I could have potentially been interested but those guys were just friendly like that to everyone. I’m uncomfortable with too much interest because I feel like I am the prey and can’t escape.

  87. Monique says:

    Hey Matt
    Sometimes it is supervising you own emotions and sometimes it is taking the risk to be hurt.
    This video resonates with me because it’s the balance of the 2 I struggle with.
    So get the remote away from me lol
    And thanks I will start to just take the chance.

  88. Kerstin says:

    Hi Matthew, this is a very good question. However like you showed in your video and what I am experience is a hug majority has lost the art of conversation which links to being curious,listen to the person, ask questions back. You are flicked through. Why show interest if I have so many other options. Furthermore, it was recently in the news that due to the over use of mobiles/media by parents small children can’t speak a proper sentence. However I agree with you not to give up because a good conversation creates a connection. K

  89. Diana Barschak says:

    I was married for 33 years and I haven’t found a man I have been more attracted to than him I work in the service industry and not one time in 33 years have I thought anybody was more attracted to my late husband I’ve dated and can’t find anybody that has that spark the last guy I went to dinner with four times had really bad Bo how do you tell a man that has Bo he has bad Bo I couldn’t even kiss him he was quite a gentleman but I couldn’t get past the bo

  90. Andrea Cooper says:

    I don’t believe ever.

  91. Thuraiya says:

    When a guy on tinder (that’s supposed to be a superficial app) started asking me all sorts of questions about not just myself but my values.
    I don’t usually get asked what he asked. So a guy I only met once knows more about me than most people I see very often.

    And yes it made me like him a lot.

  92. Helen says:

    I had someone from a dating app who asked me loads of questions about myself, we had a great rapport both when dating and in text. We had 2 dates. And then he suddenly stopped talking to me. But apparently didn’t stop talking to other people on WhatsApp *all day long*.
    Now I have been looking for that connection for literally years and it’s been taken away from me.
    Talking to another guy who I didn’t have that type of rapport in text, nor really on the date. But I’m trying to give him a chance. Really hard as the bar has been pushed so high.

  93. Beatrice says:

    Hey Mat
    I think you are perfectly right. When I think about my past relationships including my 10 years old marriage,they all started with me not being interested at all in that person, and when I had an interest about someone and invest it in, turned out not being what I was hoping for. So I think the idea is having a disinterested interest about someone. Regardless of the outcome that I expected from those relations they all gave me a path for grow.
    Thanks, Bea

  94. Crissantoslopes07@gmail.com says:

    From all the interessed guys, the one I found attractive is very distant and misterious. I went out with him 6 times. He hasn’t been in touch for about a month.I know his father is in a coma cause he put it on ocial net. I’ve been sending him messages of strength and asking how his father is and how he is. He doesn’t text much so I started to not text either I don’t like to chase someone who doesn’t act interested anymore. What do you think?

  95. Shelby says:

    I love your videos , I’m a month away from being single for a full year of my life. In that time I’ve done a lot of new things and gone on dates with a lot of different guys. I’ve learned a lot about what my standards are and your videos helped me figure out a lot about myself and my standards in dating. Keep it up!

  96. Eleni says:

    Hello there…
    An answer to your question I met this guy last year and definitely made my interesting side to come out and I made his interesting side to show off. BUT! He lives and works in an another country …..we realized that this friendship is very interesting for both os us so we are in a constant communication. We get to see each other everytime he comes to see his family which is 3-4 times a year. It’s hard to keep it like that but on the other hand we would like to hear from each other call each othe and hope for each other.
    Take care
    Eleni :)

  97. Lyn says:

    Interesting….. I’ve had about 8 proposals…. and considered two of them…. and then backed out…. because none of them have ever asked me about me…. yes…. superficially. But.. not deeply… I already know how to win a guy….. it’s simple….. I just ask about them…. I really am interested… they are amazing…. handsome… rich, powerful, English,( love England) …active … confident, world traveler….funny…. sometimes married….I guess I need advice on finding a guy that really isn’t so self centered. …. not sure they are out there….

  98. Debby Van der Wal says:

    Hi, wauw you said this so right.
    The last men wat was really interest in me was married…so i don’t know what to do with it.for me its difficult tot talk with men…i don’t know what to say. Sorry for my bad English. I am from Holland.

  99. She-Ra says:

    I don’t think that’s accurate or definitive. I am rarely interested in the men I come across, but often they are interested in me. I think the power of listening (and asking questions) is huge… to not waste your own energy by talking excessively, and to be genuinely, sincerely caring about the response, and giving the other the opportunity to feel heard… and that’s when they feel closer to us; when we know more about them… their current life, their upbringing, their likes, their transitions, how they’ve been affected by events, etc. I don’t think that you aren’t interesting unless you’re interested. but i agree with everything else you said. and it’s inspired me to be more interested (in a healthy, detached way)… because that’s where I think people get caught up; caring about the outcome. can you be interested with acceptance of however it turns out?

  100. Alice says:

    Wow.
    I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
    This is blowing me away. I just meet someone who is into me, so nice, genuine, has his own place, has a job, BUT I didn’t feel like I wanted to jump him right away. … so I was about to write him off but then he was just so nice to talk to. So I’ll keep you posted.

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