You Are Not Alone…

I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments. 

When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. 

No-one talks about loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…

But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.

Well, not today.

This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…

Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.

Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.

562 Responses to You Are Not Alone…

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  1. Jennifer says:

    I appreciate your vulnerability and glad you decided to release this in its raw form. You just became human and relatable to me. I have just a little different perspective…Loneliness is not a weakness but a chance for your strength to emerge and change your focus. It is an emotional wake-up to all the amazing choices you have in life…for those people who are happiest in their own misery and unable to make changes in self discovery then tragically loneliness becomes their master and they become lost in the stagnant quagmire of their own thoughts and feelings. My father is one of the loneliest men I know and it is difficult for me to spend any amount of time with him because I care for him and get sucked into his misery when I should be encouraging and uplifting. The sad thing is that he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get visitors and why people don’t make more of an effort to come see him.

  2. Tammy Cherry says:

    Just found this video. It’s been a rough 17 years of loneliness. I have been working on my worth the past year and making great strides. I’m considering your retreat this year. Bless you Matthew

  3. Michelle says:

    Whenever i feel any tiny bit of loneliness, self-doubt, or anything other than happy within myself and the day, i turn to you, Matt. Your videos, blogs, programs are all i need to lift me up, remind myself why i started with Get The Guy and put a smile on my face to enjoy the rest of my day.
    Thank you… You really are my daily inspiration!

  4. Steph says:

    My english is not the best but I just needed to comment this,first of all: THANK YOU because this just came at perfect timimg for me I have all this feelings of loneliness and I know its all about the pressure, I have certain age and in my country I “should” be married some years ago and right know I should been thinking about babys; but surprise!!! Im not…Im single and even if I been dreaming about it my person is not here yet, sometimes I try to understand that we all have different moments in life, different experiences and that not everyone is as happy as they show at social media but with this video I will sleep a little less worried because I know Im not the only one feeling this way..thank you so so much!

  5. Sandra Villalta says:

    Well in the video you say we think because we alone we are the only ones but not is more people feeling the same. Well I don’t have really friends only I have co workers we see each other another only at work or in reunions but I don’t have the one to talk about my loneliness or my other feelings if I happy sad angry. Well I have one friend he was annoying but he was in the past near but somedaily he was fat he always call to made me laugh or get me upset but just to know he was in the other side of my phone was satisfied but one day he was gone forever he passed away die of cancer every time since that day I expecting his call but now I realize will be no calls anymore. I have a daughter but now she is more focus in her relationship with her boyfriend she decide to give me one day from the seven days to me but really she doesn’t she just give me 3 hours from that day I can’t talk to her I just listen to her and that made me happy she come to speak to me and get some opinion about it but I’m ok with it. And my routine go back to the same go back to my coworkers and do on but I still didn’t find the one I lost and that made me sad and lonely but I still have hope one day I’ll find the one to talk laugh cry and get mad about it. Thanks I hope you understand what I wrote

  6. Lynn (from Santa Barbara) says:

    Mmmm, honest and candid message about the benefits and shared experience of loneliness.

    SHARED experience. True and encouraging. Thanks.

    I need to leave my boyfriend of two years because despite a deep love for each other, great chemistry and a lot of fun, not enough of boxes are checked (lack of confidence, some integrity, and some leadership issues). I’m sad and feel alone because being with him has made my life better than it had been in years, in fact ever: he is kind, patient, funny, gracious and adventurous and someone that I will love forever, whether we are together or not.

    I hate that because we won’t be in a dedicated relationship anymore we can’t be in each other’s company as cherished friends. For a while it won’t be possible to be together and not fall back into the relationship.

    I’m not looking forward to living in this state but I suspect it will force me to grow, to appreciate and take stock of my side of the equation in this and all relationships. And this loneliness will bring me to my knees to talk to God a bit more.

    I’m learning that just because I’m sad or lonely doesn’t mean I need to “fix” these emotions and get rid of them. This is what “normal” and “healthy” really are. Not mother’s “go to your room until you can be happy again.” There’s stench in the social media air that says we should always be happy and to push down anger, sadness, frustration and so on.

    Nope. I’m not getting on that train to crazy-town.

    I’m going to embrace these awful feelings because they are what will heal me and allow me to move on to next best thing that is planned for me.

    Giddy up. We go.

  7. Tamara says:

    Hi Matthew,
    Thank you for posting this one.
    I think I feel it too sometimes with even being in a big crowded place. Surrounded by lots of people. Just a bit of restless feeling.
    And when being alone it can pull you down too, when overthinking starts. At least that happens too me sometimes.. I guess I miss someone around from time to time, who fully understands and listens.. It seems like it is harder for people to listen too.. with everybody being bizzy and on a schedhule and with not socializing in person.. like always being on their phone, watching tv and stuff.. people talk less to eachother.. which is sad to even look at sometimes.. like we are all focussed on our own stuff. I’m guilty of that too sometimes.. but I try to make a diverence :)

    Love, Tamara

  8. Nina Khan says:

    Thanks Matthew. This video touched my heart. I am not dating at the moment as I am afraid to open my heart, but one day I will, when I am ready. I have a very active social life, but at the end of some days, the loneliness engulfs me. Thank you for understanding.

  9. Daina says:

    I’m studying abroad, now I am about 3000 miles away from my parents, my family members & my friends. For being honest, I’ve failed twice in my studies here away from my family, my parents did ask me what might be the reasons of my failure because they see me as I am a completely different person when compared to who I were back in my hometown(more like studying type, more ambitious). I don’t want to tell them the truth because I don’t want to let them down. I want to go back to them with success (otherwise, I better don’t come back). Being away from them makes me understand the meaning of loneliness & emptiness. And now I know that they can kill my dream. In fact, that is the reason of my failure, I am thinking about my loneliness more while studying. My friends here always told me that I am a strong & positive person for being able to move on from my failure. But for me,the smiles, positivity & strong that I’ve been showing to them all the time are just the biggest ways to cover up my loneliness. I ended up crying in my room alone or at one corner in the library ;). Nowadays,everytime when I feel lonely, I’ll just think of the success I want to bring back to my family back in my hometown;). Thanks matthew for the things you said at the end of the video so that I know that I am not alone ;)..

  10. Daina says:

    I’m studying abroad,so I am about 3000 miles away from my parents, my family members & my friends. Actually, I have failed 2 times in my life here while studying abroad. My parents did ask me what might be the reasons of my failure because they see me as I am completely a different person compared to who I were back in my hometown( more like studying type).But I don’t want to let them know that I am actually lonely here away from them because I don’t want to let them down and I want to come back to them with success (or otherwise I better don’t come back). I’m actually spending most of time here thinking about loneliness than studying. My friends here frequently told me that I am such a strong & positive person for being able to get back from my failure and go on with my life. But I think my “positivity” & “strong” are just the biggest way to cover up my loneliness and I ended crying alone in my room or in one corner at the library. Now, whenever I feel lonely & empty I’ll just think of the success that I really really wanna bring back for my parents & family even though it takes a lot of tears & pain.
    I really really thank you for what you said at the end of the video which makes me think that I’m not alone ;).

  11. Jan Ostendorf says:

    Matthew, your words are reaching the people you so generously work to reach. Please be assured, the time you spend and insights you share are making a difference.
    Thank you-

  12. Julie says:

    Just me again! I know you’re younger, but it seems you have a great number of older adults. If possible do you have any orientations for your over 50, 60, or 70 crowds? Thanks again for any ideas you can inform or pass along

  13. Julie says:

    Thank you Matt for being so real and honest and I’m glad you didn’t cut anything out! Coming from your heart i heard your soul and that is what motivates me-connecting with another, but it is staying connected that keeps me going, even in solitude and loneliness that connection keeps one moving forward, and what makes loneliness bearable. It is a human need that keeps us growing in a healthy way. This is also what brings love and healthy relationships. I think this is the core of what you are teaching. I have a lot to say but I don’t want to preach-except to say it feels so fresh to have your spirit guiding us to having healthy relationships on the Internet. Could you do more on gaining strong confidence and how to find and recognize healthy individuals to connect with and also more simple ways to meet and approach people without appearing desperate. Keep up the good work! And Gods blessings on you-sincerely, Julie

  14. Katie says:

    Thank you for putting this on the table and addressing the reality of feeling alone. While I love and need time to myself, I crave community and close, connected relationships. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels disconnected and lonely at times, and sometimes the best move is to demistify the fear and let it hit the air. I know I feel better already.

  15. Karen says:

    Beautiful! And the imperfections made it perfect! Thank you!

  16. Kelly Deem says:

    I appreciate the honesty and genuine frankness of the reality of being alone. I’ve learned a lot about myself from being alone but there’s also something to be said about learning about others as well.

  17. Glaiza says:

    I am the saddest person in the entire universe.

  18. Jessy says:

    Sometimes I forget that I’m not the only one who feels beinging alone, but looking at it in the angles you gave is not only satisfying but humbling at the same time. So thank you Matt

  19. Jodi-ann says:

    Hi, thanks for the video i really do enjoy it.

  20. celeste says:

    This is just an important message to share. I am glad that you did not take the advice of your co-producer and “craft” the video. I am subscribed to your service and have purchased a program from you . . . but I’m feeling a bit silly about doing so because I am a more “mature” person and likely the advice and guidance being offered is for younger people, looking to marry and start and family. I’ve done that and now look to re-enter the world of dating and find a partner for my future years that I can love and enjoy. But at this point, I will say that all advice is welcome and ideally something will rub off! Thank you for all your efforts.

  21. Vikster says:


  22. Larissa says:

    a beautiful message, so thank you ;)
    I watched a movie recently that came to my mind when I saw your post: “How to be single”. It shows a nice side.

  23. Lani says:

    Hi I liked the vlog.

    OUt of experience I know it id possible to be alone yet not lonely

    I have had times where I felt extremely lonely. It is normally in crowd of people I don’t know. Over the last 4 years I have made a point of going out AND emerge with your interest.

    It is okay to have multiple groupings of friends in often to connect in different ways.

    Nice talk :-)

  24. Tina Chiang says:

    What I appreciate about you is that overtime you’ve developed a following and your influence has increased. And what you’ve done with that is to start to branch out on what you talk about, to talk about the experiences of our time. I think of this age and see loneliness as an epidemic, one that when it’s chronic is worse for us than obesity or smoking. Busyness, pressure, all these things contribute to it. It’s something I think often of and what I want to do about it. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the magnitude of it. Anyways, I’m thankful that you are using your platform now in these ways.

  25. Dezi says:

    Wow! Thank you so much, Matthew for sharing this side of you and how it relates to all of us. Loneliness is certainly a ubiquitous thing.

    Someone once said to me, it’s like we are all pieces of a shattered mirror, striving to get back together again. My belief is that it exists on a deep spiritual level. We are all part of each other, and experience loneliness when we are apart. We all need each other. If we are kind and take care of each other, give love, we get it in return. That’s the only time that we experience being fulfilled. We have to empty our cups in order to make room to be filled again. That has been my experience.

    That said, I think it’s even more difficult to deal with loneliness once you have experienced that kind of relationship that feels like you have met your twin soul or soul mate. Someone who you feel so immediately comfortable around, it feels like you have come home and that you are totally safe with this person. Your energies merge and you feel like you have finally found the heart connection you’ve been seeking. True ecstasy. Have you ever talked about that concept? Personally, having reached that level in a relationship makes it all the more difficult not to feel lonely when that person is not around, or perhaps due to other circumstances, has moved on. It intensifies the separation just as the closeness was intensified when you met.

    I think we should look at loneliness as a sign or tool that’s given to all of us. It’s saying it’s time to reach out and give love, share ourselves.

  26. Helly says:

    I so related to your description on loneliness..Loneliness is on parr with depression as it’s such a taboo subject I have many friends around me that share the same passion as myself music :) which is great but when I return home & close my front door that’s when reality kicks in & get the feeling of being alone which flows with deep thoughts of how did I get to being alone ..? My decision that’s why … I lost both parents to cancer when I was young so I’ve had to deal with being alone from early childhood but sometimes I don’t mind being alone but now as I’m wiser & older I know that it doesn’t have to be this way as I have a huge warm heart filled with love which I give more of my heart to others than I give for myself .. I miss the sharing & caring part of a relationship & those deep felt hugs .. My loneliness comes from not allowing myself to be loved just now .. Motto at the moment is ? If you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve to have me at my best so when a friend ask me how am I ? I will speak the truth & say how I feel which is crap with feeling alone right now can we talk rather than me asking how others are & not allow myself to feel guilty for accepting a friendly ear .. I have listened to your blogs for awhile now & each time you hit the nail on the head .. You are the Bryan Adams song Straight from Heart ❤️ Much love & hugs Matt xx

  27. Sidney says:

    OK, so about a month ago I told one of my best guy friends about my boyfriend, who is absolutely amazing, and afterwards, he completely stopped talking to me, like altogether. Now, last week he FINALLY responded to me, but he was super hostile and said a bunch of HORRIBLE things to me, and yesterday he explained why. He said it was because he liked me and asked me to break up with MY boyfriend so I could be with HIM! What do I DO?!

  28. Tasha says:

    Matt, just wanted to say this was one of the most helpful videos I’ve seen yet. Purely honest and uncut was the way to go. Yes I admit I am one of those that feel lonely most of my life; feeling like I’m stuck between stages in life. I really appreciate this message targeting at least this audience of one….truly touched the deepest part of my heart. Thank you!

  29. Kathryn says:

    Thank you, for your honesty. We are not ment to live life alone.

  30. Jane says:

    I appreciate your open and honest discussion on loneliness. It is something that I have struggled with intensely with. It stems mostly from not having someone who is right for me to love and be loved by. The man I thought was so right broke up with me a year ago. I have dated several men, but somehow feel just as lonely cause they just are not right for me. I feel intense loneliness when I go to social functions and it seems everyone is with someone and I am not. I feel that loneliness when I spend time with friends who are all married to someone they love and are loved by. I feel loneliness at work because co-workers talk about their spouses and boyfriends. No one seems to understand and make comments such as “you are lucky to be alone as you can do whatever you want”. That does not make me feel better. Anyway, thank you for your sincerity in this video.

  31. Charlize says:

    Hi, thanks for the video. It makes me feel less loneliness.

  32. Mara Pavan says:

    Well this short video really resinated with me. Couldn’t have come at an appropriate time as I struggle with such sadness and heartbreak. I know it is just a setback for me right now, one I will overcome. Of all the relationship advice out there, I find that your videos and messages have helped me the most. I thank you for always making me think of how to navigate such difficult waters at times.

  33. Margaret says:

    I appreciated this. I’m glad you didn’t deminish it’s candidness by by polishing it through editing. I often have found that as I share my struggles, others are more open & honest. Your point about having more options to communicate yet more people are alone, is true. You can also be married or in a relationship & still feel alone. I have had great love, & lost great love. I appreciate your empathy & motivation. Thank you for the inspirational personal development you encourage, it’s a blessing!

  34. denise says:

    With tears in my eyes I have to say I must be psychic. I was thinking about you and this subject just yesterday. I often wonder how you handle being single and doing this you know both sides so well. And you meet so many people that crossed your path yet you are still single also. You are right on the money with everything you said. I will not reach out tube social media for a connection. I find it superficial. I find I’m most fulfilled when I leave the house and I stay gone. Solitude is good. But too much could be a bad thing. I’m 50 years old comma with the body of a 20-something year old, and wise beyond my years they say. I just wish the right man could find me. The internet and all the other easy access for men’s for fulfillment has put a damper on true quality women finding a true quality man. I was in a relationship for 18 years. We parted for all the right reasons. And I have now been single for 20 years. And in those 20 years I have not found a quality man. Katie Holmes got him. Yes the man she has is a quality man. He said he was looking for a woman that like to cook and was domesticated, and he was not ashamed of it. I looked at the TV and said here I am LOL. I’m happy for them both. But most men don’t want that. I am established and I think that scares them away. I’m too independent sometimes because I have to be. I have burned all my bridges for the right reasons. I have recently found a job out of my safe Zone 2 network with a different quality of people. It’s a very colorful world out there comma I have to be cautious because I’m in this alone. Thank you. And my thoughts are with you and you didn’t even know it.

  35. Diane says:

    A very beautiful video.
    Thank so much Matt !!

  36. says:

    Hi Matt, that was a good video, i do get lonely being on my own,some times i don’t speak to any one. but i would sooner be like i am than be with someone who doesn’t treat me well, I was married young nineteen was with my husband thirty years all together, had three children with him. he left me for someone else. that was 15 years ago. since then i remarried didn,t last only 3 years got divorce again, then met a violent man with him 6 years. and now on my own. life not be easy but you just have to keep going. thjanks Matt i enjoy your video’s .JULIE UK

  37. Barbara says:

    Compassion goes a long way .
    It’s probably the most heartfelt emotion that we can feel/relate too, when we’re hurting inside…
    it connects us in a way……and makes us feel that were not alone ….

  38. Helly says:

    I Felt the heartfelt hug wrap around my thoughts on loneliness & give a gentle squeeze of ? It’s ok you’re not alone & whilst you read matt I sneaked under your bed surprise ! Now you’re not alone Sharing is caring after all & I will give you an IOU huge hug in London at the gettheguy seminar next week

  39. Londoner says:

    I posted below, but recently had another reminder of this video from Matt. I’m a teacher and, during our end of term assembly, a 13 year old girl read out a piece she had written. It was about how we present ourselves through social media and exist 90% on electronic devices, but don’t even know ourselves, let alone the people around us. We respond with ‘likes’ all over Facebook, but when someone sheds a tear we turn away in embarrassment. She was focussing on her age group of course, but it moved me to tears. Partly because she was so incredible and insightful for her age, but also because she is growing up in a time far more isolating and cruel than the one I grew up in. I found it hard enough, passing notes to friends seeking support or counsel on a particular teenage issue, but nowadays is so much harder for our young people. I am glad some of them are aware of it and am reminded to put the phone down, get out of the house and do something in the fresh air with or without other people. But certainly not with people who make me feel more lonely than being on my own.

  40. JoJo farah says:

    Yes Mathew everyone feels alone at sometime for something… For me when i felt alone having not enough friends i realized it was because i wasn’t very open with them i was afraid to let them know all my secrets or all my mistakes it wasn’t that i don’t trust them but it was that i was afraid i am going to shake the great picture they have about me by only knowing my good traits then the cost i paid was loneliness … And you thought me that Mathew! You thought me that a person can feel alone when he has not enough intimate relationships.. So thank you Mathew you are great :D

  41. Sara derosa says:


    I just watched your video on loneliness and I have to say thank you!
    I’ve been divorced since 09 and immediately afterwards I decided I needed to be “alone”, for some much needed self reflection and learning to love myself.
    It is now 2016 and I am still alone however, I have learned how to appreciate/enjoy my own company. I’ve learned so much about myself and men! I’m still learning but I know what I want from a relationship and am willing to take my time to find it.
    Do I get lonely? Sure I do, although it’s not something that brings my spirit down.
    I was surprised to watch your video and honestly didn’t think many people were in the same boat. I appreciate you, and thank you so much for the awesome guidance.

    Sara D.

  42. Emma says:


    I’m going through a big period of sorting out many aspects of my life following big changes I made last year and i have never felt alone in this way before.
    There are days, including today when I really struggle to get out of bed and face everything.

    I have wonderful friends and am never short of invitations but right now following a divorce last year and a break up this year I feel that I need solitude to repair and rebuild my life and establish who I am.

    Your videos give me hope and optimism that things are going to be better than ok soon. I feel very lucky that I have found your work at this time.

    Thank you for sharing an important aspect of everyone’s life journey.

    Here’s to the productive and creative results of solitude.

    Facing my day head on now ….. I appreciate your help ;)

    Em xx

  43. Kathleen says:

    Thank you! Great video. Raw was a great choice.

  44. Rachael says:

    Hey Matt,
    I think that video was very good and I do listen to your advice however it hasn’t helped me. I understand that everyone feels lonely at times and is not always recognisable “behind closed doors”. And it should be talked about.

    I am 28 always put people before myself, they come to me for advice. Iv never had a boyfriend or true honest friends I was trying to see the positive and thinking some people are worse off.

    That didn’t work and actually got worse I was involved in a serious head injury accident and am lucky to be alive however I lost my job, work colleagues and family members not have supported me at this embarrassing time.
    What should I do because solitude isn’t good long term.

    • JoJo farah says:

      Hey Rachael!
      I just want to till you i felt so lonely my self and my life isn’t so better than yours.. I never had a boyfriend, don’t have that great support system by family or friends, i actually went through bad depression and i am now trying to get out of it but you know what is making me better now and how i am overcoming depression?? Is just that i changed my mind i changed my thoughts then what i feel changed to big extents… I changed how i think about my self i was thinking i can’t survive i can’t make my life better but when i believed and trusted that i can do better tomorrow and everything is going to be ok and i can make great friends i can make great job i can do whatever i want it just needs time … Believe me iam saying this out of experience when you( honestly) think you can change the bad situation you have now you will certainly feel way better, when you start to believe you can because ooh what do i lack from people have made their great happy lives? what is wrong with me that i can’t do it? At what they are better than me?? Actually nothing… and in every bad thing that happened to you try to see the bright side out of it… Maybe you had that accident so you can see that people aren’t supporting you enough then you have to think why then you have to change what went wrong and have better relationships with them !! But what if you hadn’t have the accident then maybe you would continue your life not notice your bad relationships maybe you would just continue life thinking that they will support you financially when you are broke or something then later you would be surprised they’re not.. So this accident is a wake up call for you to notice your whole life once again it could be the best thing that could ever happened to you :) just go positive and trust yourself.. I hope this message made your day ;)

    • Mags says:

      Rachel-Jojo has good advice. I also have had severe depression following a divorce after almost 30yrs together, & 2children. Going through pre-menopause, divorce, empty nester,moving & severe insomnia, all simultaneously. I was seriously struggling with wanting to live. Our self talk is proportionate to our quality of life. It is written I wil never leave you, nor forsake you. I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you & not harm you, to give you hope & a future. Hold every thought captive. Whatever is lovely, whatever is good,whatever is of good report, think on these things. These have been my comfort in dark & lonely times. You are not alone, you are not forsaken. You matter!Press on, don’t give up!Someone else needs to hear your story so they too will know, they are not alone. Live like you were dying & do the things you’ve always wanted to do! Make an amazing life, & inspire others to live & give love, courage, & kindness, it maybe that one persons only glimpse of hope. You matter! Tell others that they matter!

  45. Miko says:

    oh Mr. Hussey…

    and what have you done ?!
    am I deeply moved ?
    yes, i am.
    up to gentle tears?

    I would like to sit down there with you on this couch.
    on your right.
    take you by your hand.
    left or right one.
    would not need to talk.
    just sit.

    and feel the aloneness dim.

    I was impressed of how genuine you sound.
    will not thank you now. because genuine people deserve genuine gratitude. and it seems somehow faded when exchanged via internet.

    I hope one day I will bump into you and thank you personnally.

    and if ever you’re in Paris and feel lonely, know I also have a grey couch ;)

    sincerely yours,

  46. Maiju says:

    I know you intended this video to make people less alone. But for me it did the opposite. It reminded me of my aloneness and my loneliness. And it made me feel sad about it. Even if for the most part I like spending time alone! But mostly it made me sad thinking about all the lonely people in this vastly populated earth feeling alone in throngs of people.

    All of us utterly and forever alone.

  47. Marina says:

    Thank you, Matthew for the video. Sometimes I feel like I have been lonely all my life. I an only child of a divorced parent who spent a lot of time alone in my childhood. I often feel more comfortable alone although loneliness might be killing me. Now I live with my son and its only two of us, of course I feel less alone but somehow even if I am in the midst of friends and do feel great- I feel I want to be alone! I didn’t really have long term relationship longer than 2 years and I am currently singe;.

  48. Katalina says:

    It was hard for me to believe before this video that someone like yourself could feel lonely. After all, you are the master of making meaningful connections. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I realize that if you could be lonely at times that my loneliness is understandable. I particularly liked your discussion on the benefits of solitude, because when I reflect on my times of solitude I realize that those were the times I was learning and improving myself making me more valuable to the people around me.

    Thank you for sharing Matt. This video made a tremendous difference in my attitude. I’m also wishing that your periods of loneliness are few and far between.

    With Affection,

  49. Elsje D says:

    Hey Matt!

    As you mentioned, we live in an age where we try to do everything we can to appear not alone. I have recently moved from Canada to Indonesia to teach here, and I think I have finally come to realize (with the help of your video) that the loneliness that I feel most here is not that of physically being alone, but of being alone in my ideas. In the past I had not seen that as a possibility. To give you a bit more info, I am South African, immigrated to Canada when I was 10 and then now at 27 moved to the other side of the world again. I have yet to meet someone who thinks like I do, because it is not a topic that one can easily through into conversations. “Hi, my name is Elle, and I don’t really have a place to call home.” I spend time with expats here in Indo and I can’t say that I am going home because I don’t really have that in one place. There are certain memories that are home to me, but where I am living now has been the longest I’ve stayed in one place since graduating high school. This might not be at all related to this video, but I thought I would share that, most of the time I feel this feeling as well. That it causes me sadness, but I truly believe that one day I will find that HOME.
    Thank you for putting what I am feeling into words, it has been amazing to know that I share that thought with at least one other person who is willing to share it.

  50. Cindy says:

    Hello Matthew. Very courageous of you to approach this topic. I have been alone since I was a child: I come from a dysfunctional family and as an adult I decided to move far, far away to start a new life. I love where I live but, really have no one. No one to comfort me when I feel down, no one to contratulate me when I have a victory to celebrate, no one who says “Good morning” or, “You look pretty today” or “How did your day go?” Sometimes it is really too much, especially when I have had to face some ugly bureaucratic problems alone; not to mention three surgical operations in the past five years which I had to look after myself…alone! On Christmas I have to “pretend” to others to have not spent the day alone, same thing on my birthday.
    Matthew, my friends say that I can move mountains but frankly, I’d like to leave the mountains where they are and just have someone to hug me every once in awhile and take the weight of the world off my shoulders!

  51. Seeing Single says:

    I listened to this 5 times. Need I say more?!

  52. Nicole C says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I want you to know how much this video means to me. I’ve been saying to myself and even one of my friends recently how alone I feel. And not because I don’t have friends or family (although, I did just move so the transition has been a bit secluding for me until I find work etc) BUT mostly I have felt lonely with my thoughts as you mentioned. I’ve started to feel like I don’t have anyone around me that truly gets ME. Even in the simplest of things. In life we go through loss and change, and in all honesty, I’m a very resilient person. Only lately have I noticed these feelings of emptiness in not being able to find anyone I can relate to and for those I can, they are in other states, so I do have my moments. Anyway, I know it’s not the end of the world and I am a firm believer in this not being a permanent feeling, but this video just really made me feel better about how I was feeling. At times it does get me down, and it’s nice to be reminded (even if it is something I already know deep down) that I am not the only one who feels this way. Even the most popular, busy and successful people have these moments and it’s okay. I enjoy my alone time but it’s definitely much different than feeling “alone” and I know you get what I am saying. When I feel this way, I write down how I am feeling or find something that makes me feel good and do it or watch it, something. I find that emotional button. OR perhaps I just let myself be sad for a moment, but I never stay there. I hope for any of your followers out there that might see this video or my comment here – just find gratitude in coming across this message in the right moment to make them feel less alone. I have believed since the moment I first discovered who you were that you came into my life for a reason. My life has been forever changed since then because of you and your team. BUT even after all the changes, the retreat and more, you never cease to amaze and inspire me with your entertaining videos and compassionate and heart warming ones such as this one and for this I thank you. *hugs*

  53. Sarah says:

    Would love to hear your advice on a situation I find myself in. My boyfriend and I live together and have a 20 month old baby. We also each have our own children from previous relationships ages ranging from 5yrs to 18yrs. I have come to the conclusion that my partner is incapable of empathy or kindness towards my kids, he has verbally expressed his hatred for them and it is totally unfounded and clearly he is the problem not my kids. So therefore I have decided to end the relationship. BUT we are still living together. Sometimes break ups cannot happen over night, things like finances and housing take time to get situated. Obviously he has some amazing and wonderful traits or I would not have fallen for him in the first place, and he is not horrible to them on a daily or even monthly basis but the times it has happened have crossed the line. Can you give me advice on how to stay strong and committed to my decision and not fall back into the good time memories. We still are very much in love and I am making this choice based on what is right for my kids, not on what my heart wants so I really need some grasp on plowing thru this emotional pain.I know in my gut this is the right choice for all the kids involved including our baby together, to see his siblings treated this way is utterly unhealthy and I know he will never change. Any help will certainly be implemented and appreciated!

  54. Sandra says:

    This video was perfect.. I have a lover but still feel alone every time he walk out the door. I’m not sure if he is the man for me. But I do pray to God every day to help him man up or send me a man that can fill this lonely space in my heart. I don’t feel lonely when I’m with him but I do as soon as he leaves my house or job or our date night. I just need to feel Wanted I guess that what I’m trying to say well I don’t know. But thank you for letting me vent thank you for the wonderful videos and all your help and support..

  55. Rebecca says:

    Thank you for this video. I think we do tend to forget that there are others out there who are just as lonely, if not lonelier, than ourselves, and sad though it is, it’s also comforting. This week marks one year since I left my husband of over a decade, whom I discovered had been lying to me and cheating on me. The story is actually much worse in its details, but doesn’t merit discussing here. Today, I am on my own, in an apartment. I brought my 2 dogs with me, and one passed away recently, making it just my little female dog and I now. I am often very lonely, but also try to be grateful that I am out of what was a very toxic marriage as well as a toxic house (my ex is a hoarder and a slob). I keep my apartment clean with various scented candles & fresh flowers around. I try to take comfort in these little things. And I do get a tremendous amount of comfort from my little dog. She is however, in congestive heart failure and will most likely only live another year. So I am constantly reminded, each time I look into her beautiful little face, that there will come a time when even she is no longer with me, and I will feel even more alone. And it breaks my heart. That said, this little ball of fur is also a constant reminder to me to appreciate the little things. When I come home from work & walk through my front door, she is always sitting up in her crate, eyes eager, tail wagging. I can tell that I am the highlight of her day. I take her out then give her the various medicines that she is on, and she even enjoys that (especially as they are wrapped in a bit of cheese ☺). Then we play. She’s not allowed to run a lot, but we chase each other up & down the hallway a couple of times and she loves it! Then we cuddle on the floor, as she tries to lick my face. And for these moments, although the loneliness is still very much there, I feel a bit better, and feel loved. No, she is not a human male, and I do hope someday to be able to trust again and maybe find someone I can love. But for now, in many ways, my little dog is better than a male partner. She won’t lie or cheat. She will always be happy to see me, and play with me, and snuggle up tight against me at night (& you’re right, nights can be quite lonely). She’ll take walks with me and watch movies with me, and wake me up with wet kisses on weekends if I sleep too late. She’ll hang on my every word as I tell her about my day. She is my priority and it is the least I can do for her, as I know, I am her life.
    Thank you again, Matt, for reminding me (& us all) that we are not alone.

  56. Terrie says:

    I can totally relate to this video.I feel lonely but truly have people in my life.Most of the time I just don’t like being bother by people and enjoy my quiet space.Then there is time I want to be around others and noone is there.Guess in the end,we all need time out from people just to regroup our thoughts with clarity.

  57. Britt says:

    Waking up and seeing the link to this video in my email was just shy of perfect.
    I am a single mom of a 9mos old without a boyfriend fiance or husband. I don’t get time to go out. I have been out twice without my little one since he has been born. I am so happy to be a mom but I am afraid I won’t find time to meet someone because I don’t get to go out. I don’t have many resources (sitter wise) so I just go to work come home prepare for the next day sleep wake up and do it again. Weekends are spent with my baby because I don’t get the time during the week. I’m super lonely all of the time and I feel like I have been praying for a great companion for most of my life. My past relationships haven’t been so great.
    I have gotten to the point where I am losing faith and feeling like ‘maybe I’m one of those people who won’t get to experience being in love with someone who is great for me.’
    Thank you Matt for the ‘raw’ video. It seems more personal and less self-help lecture like. It’s honest and made me reevaluate how I view others I may not get along with, i.e. In my workplace. Thanks for the reminder that kindness and empathy goes a loooooong way.

  58. Debbie says:

    You have such an eloquence about you, it makes me want to listen to you. The lady who has your heart must be very special. Thank you for producing this video I think people in the limelight too often seem unaffected by negativity or loneliness until it’s too late and a suicide highlights it. So thank you for being brave.

  59. Julie says:

    Thank you for sharing, what most are ashamed to admit. After a 22 yr marriage, 29 yr relationship, the last 3 yrs have been extremely hard for me. Doubting myself, feeling worthless and weak, all because I was alone and lonely. But finding myself and loving myself again had made a difference. I still get lonely, but don’t feel alone anymore. Matthew you have such a big part of my life the last year and I give youthe credit for helping me through this most difficult time. I am now dating and realizing that I will find someone else to love and be loved back. I am grateful for all that you have taught me and making me realize I am not the only one starting over again in life’s journey. Thank you!!!!

  60. Aga says:

    Well to be honest I’m just going through the time in my life when I feel so lonely that it’s hard to bear.So I understand perfectly well how it feels like and I can easily sympathise with people who feel even more lonely than that. I used to think that lack of money or health is the worst that can happen to you in your life but now I’m sure that loneliness is the worst of all. Even if you have health problems or temporary financial problems it is nothing in comparison to the lack of close relationships in your life. So Above all I wish everybody to love and be loved by their nearest and dearest.

  61. Jesse says:

    Thanks for this. It really reminded me that just because things seem down and lonely now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way for ever. Because I am talkative and outgoing, most people think I’m an extrovert but really I’m more of an introvert and cherish my alone time and solitude. Yes, I love living alone but it is hard to not get lonely sometimes. And no, having a roommate does not help with that, because, Matt, you are right in that being around other people doesn’t mean you aren’t lonely. It takes the right person or persons to pull you out of you’re loneliness, not just anyone.

    I also want to thank you for reminding me of why I don’t just settle for any old person when I’m lonely. I think the majority of bad decisions made around relationship choices stems from being lonely and wanting someone to take that away. It’s always better to just work through your loneliness from inside you than to turn to a man in the hopes that he will fill the void. Personally, I’d much rather be with someone because I chose to make time for them even when I’m not lonely and don’t need them for emotional support than because they happen to be the first person to make me feel better when I was at a really lonely time in my life.

    • Rebecca says:

      Wow-What a wonderful way to put it, Jesse! I feel the same way! We’ll get there, and we’ll be better off because we worked through the loneliness and are READY to let someone special in.

  62. Heather says:

    I am a 34 year old woman and my husband of 17 years ended our relationship almost 1 year ago, because he fell in love with a woman from work. I am left with 4 beautiful children ranging between 3 to 13. To say that it shattered my world doesn’t even come close to the depth of soul wrenching pain i have experienced. Never so alone and empty have I felt in my existence. It caught me off guard, there was signs of depression, but I always thought we were on the same page with where we were headed in life. After months of me trying desperately to show him how much I LOVED him he cooled this other relationship, but never completely gave it up. To make a very long story short, I find myself here almost 1 year later in exactly the same position. Hearing exactly the same things from him, in his words we had 90%, but we were always missing something. He just didn’t feel like we were lovers. We were best friends and a great team but through the hustle and bustle of life, work and children we neglected to work on our relationship. He loves both of us and doesn’t want to make a decision, he wants to just be friends (with ‘benifits’) with the both of us. He tells me how much he hates himself for doing this to us and the kids……but he doesn’t stop. I have tried to endure and be patient as I thought that was what he needed. Please remember that family is so important to me. I have come from a broken home and experienced life with step parents (where those marriages also failed)……and I didn’t see a world where that life worked. So one of the core reasons for my patience, that I’m sure some people will call stupidity, is a lifetime to come of family. I am looking into the future understanding that a husband and wife have different but equally important crucial roles in raising healthy well rounded children and both parents in the home give our children the best chance at that. I am trying so desperately to forgive and hold onto that important family, that I see would be so difficult to succeed at alone. As I write this, I realise that what I am doing is wrong. The path I thought was right, is so far from right, so far from my values and standards. This journey as scary and alone as it will be, I know will only make me stronger. But, i know that my children need to see a stronger mother willing to fight for her values and say this is not how men treat women. I get so distracted by a million different reasons and what if’s, it’s clouded my judgement. I really thought If i was patient enough and supported him the best and most loving and kind way I knew, that I would show him how much I really loved him and he would realise what an amazing life he is walking out on. I’m going to try and stick to the truth and facts. Matt, you have helped me in so many ways to understand that I am worth more than this and my attitude and actions will direct the way that others treat me. I take notes when I watch your blog posts or listen to your radio show posts and refer back to them hoping to make them natural reactions in the way I conduct myself and my interactions with others. Thank you for being so genuine and guiding others to a better version of ourselves. I hope that this isn’t it for me, as I’m still young, passionate and want to be desired….. I have a lifetime ahead, but my children have to come first, so…..we’ll see.
    Thank you again Matt, for touching my heart. Xo

    • Rose says:


      Thank you for posting your story, I have experienced a similar situation recently as well, and your post reminded me that I am not alone in the struggle and we can all get thru it. I never knew the depth of loneliness until my life got turned upside down. Good luck to you and your children, they will prosper from you being such a strong mom.

      • Julie says:

        29 yr relationship all gone in a flash, I can’t begin to explain the pain I went through, because I truly loved this man. We have one child who too was crushed and hurt over this. I sacrificed my career and did everything I could to support and help him advance in his career. Now here I am with basically nothing and having to start all over at 50. A single unemployed mother of a teenager. Let me tell you I asked God many times, why was I being punished for being a supporting wife and mother. He got all the benefits that I sacrificed for, so not fair. You aren’t alone, unfortunately nothing lasts forever. )+:

      • Heather says:

        Thank you Rose, yes…..what strength it gives to know you are not alone. Believe in ones self is difficult, confronting and down right scary….But I think it’s at our lowest points in our life, that we grow and learn the most. Here’s to new beginnings, strength in strangers and finding our own truth and having the courage to trust it! And realising that others actions do not define us, but the choices we mAke after that do! I wish you the best on your journey. May we both stay strong and hold onto ‘Good things to come’.

  63. kathryn says:

    I just came upon this site, recently. For reasons that are too difficult to explain….nearly everything that I have encountered in his videos…….have been like arrows to my heart. Frozen by fear for so many reasons……and praying for guidance for how to work through my fears….or at least lessen them…..Mr Hussey speaks very plainly, brutally and gently all at once. Thank you for you, Mr Hussey…..

  64. Lindsey Shelley says:

    I’ve recently rediscovered the friendly voice in my own heart when I am feeling lonely. After ending a marriage of 17 years from my best friend, I often find myself disoriented by being alone. My daily life used to revolve around a husband and growing son, now, sometimes, the only person in the house is me. It used to feel like a vacuum, but I’m learning to breathe in the unstructured space and talk to the caring companion of my own soul. She’s quite lovely.

  65. RS says:

    Amazingly, I love to be alone much to the disappointment of my boyfriend of 17 years. I cherish not having to talk, explain, etc. at certain times and just be able to do whatever I want to do.

  66. Jj says:

    “Be a little kinder to other people…have an effect.”

    I really like watching all your videos Mr Hussey, I really do! And I think that anyone else will feel O.K. with it, your voice comforts us, certaiainly it does make us feel less lonely. I don’t know if it’s a trick, but I’ve impressed by the way you act emotionally; I really appreciated you in this state of weakness and sensitiveness; I like these with a man and it faded away that popular saying that all men are the same, they are beasts.

  67. JustMe says:

    I do agree that most of us feel we are the only ones who are lonely. I appreciate this video. And it does give me a refreshed desire to be more nice to other people.

  68. Joanne says:

    Hi Matt,

    I am impressed that you put yourself out there and thank you, it does need to be said and needs to be said more often. For me it is an everyday thing, and at 51 I am still not sure why, but I think it has something to do with wearing my heart on my sleeve….I have a huge circle of fam and friends, great job in adverising, huge personality, love to laugh, fun and yet like yourself in a room full of people I am lonely and lost.. But love my solitude always have, lol it does build independece thats for sure but for me it has a calming effect. Strange, I feel less lonely when alone.

    • Joanne says:

      As for men well met some great ones and not so great, I have broken hearts as I have had mine broken, and one I lost. It is what it is. I had been out of the dating for a while and your videos have helped in explaining certain behaviours and I thank you for those as well.

  69. says:

    good video, everyone does feel lonely at times, whether you’re in a relationship or single. Social Media has proven how many lonely ppl there really are in the world. how is it possible there are sooooooo many dating sights available but yet finding a decent match on them is darn near impossible. ppl need to get out more and STOP hiding behind all the social media sights, maybe that will help somewhat.

    • Joanne says:

      As for men well met some great ones and not so great, I have broken hearts as I have had mine broken, and one I lost. It is what it is. I had been out of the dating for a while and your videos have helped in explaining certain behaviours and I thank you for those as well.

  70. Niky says:

    Hi, to whoever is reading my comment right now. I don´t know you, I don´t know how you look, how much you weight, how old you are or what gender you are. What I know is that you are perfect exactly the way you are. I don´t care how many times someone told you, you are not enough. Because guess what? You are, no matter what other people say. I don´t care how many times someone who is close to you critized you and hid it behind well ment advice. Don´t let yourself be judged. Because you know what? When someone is judging you they are just applying on to you their own fears and insecurities. It´s not right but it´s human. What can you do about it? Just don´t take it personally. Accept that people have problems and they are dealing with them as good as they can. Doesn´t mean you have to put up with it thought. Because like I already said you are perfect and you don´t have to change anything about yourself to feel that way. Maybe except your point of view, if you don´t see yourself as beautiful as you are.:-) Have a nice day. Love you guys. And please do something for me, would you?
    When you go out tomorrow, smile at people around you as much as you can. You may make someones day better and it may make them feel that they are not alone.
    By the way thanks for this video Matt, you made my day better. :-)
    (PS: English is not my first language, but I hope the message is understandable)

  71. Jennifer says:

    Hi Matt,
    I’ve always embraced being alone.. Love it.. The phrase “sit with yourself” is one that pops up (in my head) constantly…perhaps it’s the makings of a book, a blog and definutly a bumper sticker for the car. It’s devalued time well spent.
    Keep sharing your insight.. And remember to sit with yourself from time to time!!
    Jennifer from Maine

  72. Paula says:

    Glad you talk about lonelyness . Been struggling with it. After been with someone for 7 Years it’s been hard to be alone and to have to start dating all over again special because I’m in my late forties Wish I knew What to do about it. Have any advice how to cope with?

    • Luciana says:

      Hey Paula,
      I’ve been through the same thing two years ago, I was in a relationship for 8 years. What I learned was how to love myself, and more important learned about myself, things that you don’t have time to do when you are with someone. And after a while I felt so great, it was almost like found someone you love after years, and that person was me. So, keep looking inside of you. You’re beautiful and awesome!

  73. Elaine says:

    Dear Matt,

    Thank you so much for making and posting these videos. In many of them, I found explanation for things that I previously didn’t understand, in others your words just encouraged me to keep on going and not to lose faith.

    I’m going through a break-up right now as well. I got involved in a relationship with a younger man and was very sceptical about it in the beginning. Also, besides the age difference, we live in different countries within the EU.

    I never really wanted to get into this relationship. The guy was really sweet, but I just didn’t believe it would work. But he was so persistent… For a few months, he was trying so hard and putting so much effort in it, investing time and money, booking flights and hotels just to be close to me, and trying to convince me that all of the things I was worried about didn’t play a role at all.

    Well, he got me that far that I started to believe him. After several months, I agreed to give this relationship a try. In spite of the distance between us, we saw each other regularly, he always made sure to plan everything in advance and everything worked out really well. It was actually too good to be true.
    Not too long ago, he broke up with me for no plausible reason. I didn’t expect that at all and he completely caught me off guard. I do understand that he probably got scared at a certain point, scared of our age difference, of all the other experiences and things he would miss out because he wouldn’t have the freedom to do them all if he stayed in the relationship with me…
    But still, I’m really having a hard time dealing with this. I’ve been through break-ups before, but this one really knocked me off my feet. This was the first time in a very long time that somebody actually made me believe in something.

    Anyway… Thank you so much for your support in everything. All your words, your coaching and work means the world to many women out there, including me. And I just hope you know that and people tell you that often enough.

  74. Sara Cervantes says:

    I recently came back from a solo trip cross Canada. The loneliest and hardest time I had was going through the Yukon territory. You see, not only did I feel scared and lonely but I also felt guilty for feeling that way. As if someone who has traveled around the world and seen so many majestic things doesn’t have the right to feel lonely, or so I thought. My friends will tell you I have an open personality, and people whom I just met often say “you’re such an extrovert and wish I was more like you bc you have no problems talking to strangers.” What they don’t realize is that it took me a while to get where I am. That means a lot of lonely moments where needed so I could be torn down by the sadness of it all and be rebuilt by the wild and beauty of the outdoors, by the love of others, and by the inescapable and forced on me introspection of it all. I dare say the only emotion we have made acceptable in today’s culture is anger. Anger make us look less weak, it forces us to seek control, and it puts up a front to what you’re really feeling: hurt, disappointment, anxiety or what have you. It took me a while to accept that I really wasn’t angry at things, I felt lonely. And it took me being alone in the Yukon territory to understand the purpose of that loneliness; the healing of it all.
    sorry for the long post. got carried away, hahaha.

  75. Monica says:

    Hi Matt,
    I’m glad you made this video because I’m going through a divorce, and the being alone is tough. There are times I just want to cry, so I’ll cry then I encourage myself to get up and do something. I also feel that feeling of emptiness as well, but it comes and goes. Lately I’ve been hearing that feeling lonely is normal. Even C.W. Lewis said he still feels lonely or down times after doing events. I heard this saying and I forgot who said this “Appreciate every storm because afterwards is a beautiful day. If we are always having sunny days then we wouldn’t appreciate them as much as we would with rainy days that come and go.”

  76. Tia says:

    Hi Matt,
    your videos always seem to come at the right time for me. I also really want to hug you because you look like you need one just as much as me.

    After getting dumped just this Monday (with no real explanation) and after spending 2015 dating back to back guys, I’ve been encouraged by those close to me to take a break as they believe “I’m not ready to meet the right person” & need time on my own.

    I don’t see time for personal development as a bad thing, but the loneliness is definitely a killer for me.. do you believe that if we really want someone & are actively trying to meet people, that the excuse for not finding success is because you want it to much? That if u stop trying it will happen? – I keep getting told this & I’m not sure I believe it.


    • Tia says:

      Hi Sydney, I did read your reply so thank yiu for taking the time to write it for me. But yeah I see what u mean by the desperate vibe, even when u play by Matts rules I’m sure guys can sense this about you no matter how great of an act u put on.

  77. Corinna says:

    I just came across this video in a lonely and down time, thanks Matt as this did help me. Going through a separation/divorce right now and while it was ther right decision to break up with him since he was verbally and emotionally abusing me, I am feeling alone and uncertain. I have no family here and cant move back home as my daughter is in school here and I dont think I would be able to move her away from him. I work full time, lose 10 hours per week in travel, and now have half the week where I solely care for my child and miss her terribly for the other half of the week. I feel it is a lot to deal with both because of the number of things I have to juggle and because of the emotional aspect. I have been on a couple of dates recently and feel like a fish out of water really. I feel a bit derailed because I’m middle age, questioning how I got here, and feel like I have to start over. Thanks Matt, this video and all the others I have watched have helped me a lot not only in understanding men a little better but also in feeling a bit less lonely. Would love to see you in Australia ;)

  78. Lynzie Givens says:

    Thank you for that video.
    Um i felt that it ment that everyone is going through almost the same struggle in life as i am. Although i think that everyone as their own oppion in life.
    I feel lonely when my friends dont text me back, i feel lonely when i’ve had a bad day an no one understands the pain im going through. I feel lonely because im not comfterible opening up. Because i dont feel the need to share the problem im having that way no one thinks i need help. Because im a very strong independent person

  79. Jessica Maldonado says:

    I really needed to hear that from Puerto Rico. Keep on going don’t matter what negative people think! Be your authentic self!

  80. Jaymee Castillo says:

    I couldn’t agree more. I really appreciate this. Thanks Coach Matt. xx

  81. Angele Alexander says:

    Hello, thank you so much for that video! I was just going to unsubscribe to you. I enjoy your topics very much but was finding them a little I don’t know marketable maybe. This topic was Real! Thanks again

  82. Linda says:

    I have been alone for a long time myself and some days are better than others but I thought your honesty was great and your always welcome to come hang out in Grand Rapids, Michigan

  83. Janet Williams says:

    To be totally honest, Matthew, there “appeared” to be elements of depression in your very heartfelt video confession. And you’re right: it IS a very, very important video. Here’s what I sense: I believe you have mixed feelings and mixed experiences regarding solitude. I feel that, in your head, solitude can be a lovely thing and I certainly do cherish my own times of solitude, so I get that. But there is another element there when you speak. You reference a certain emptiness that goes beyond simple solitude, Matthew, and I worry that you may be experiencing clinical depression. ANYWAY, please don’t laugh at the suggestion and discount the message just because I don’t “really” know you. Talk to a professional. Yeah? It will at the very least set your mind at ease on the topic and whether your symptoms are sufficient to warrant looking into. Take care — j

  84. Joanna Albrecht says:

    I think loneliness has less to do with being with other people and more to do with how much I am in connection with myself. When I truly love myself and am my own best friend I am never lonely.

    I feel more loved at this point in my life, being on my own and taking time to love myself and be with myself. Giving myself the love that I had given others in the past has given me this feeling of strength and courage that I used to look for in relationships, but now I feel it most of the time…

    From time to time I feel sad or lonely, but when that happens I look to see where I am not loving myself and then I try to do that. I try to find the words I need in the way that I need them because truly, I am the only one who knows what I need…

    Thank you for the reminder…you can be surrounded by thousands of people who love you, but unless you are receiving the love from the most important person who you are always wanting and needing love from you aren’t going to feel it…and that most important person will always be you.

  85. Gayle says:

    Hi! I think I really need some advice. I am a 22 year old girl who has been suffering from depression since 2013. It all started because of my verbally abusive boyfriend which physically hurt me and raped me because I was too determined to save myself for marriage. I broke up with him when he physically hurted me twice. Also during 2013, My dad was laid off from work so we became riches to rags then we had a family war. I was a top student and president of my organization then my grades started failing and I did not graduate on time which made me hide from all the people I know. I felt too low.

    Many guys courted me and I fall easily and end up heartbroken. Some guys just use me for their own satisfaction, some was very gentleman and sweet and a nice guy then after a month you won’t hear anything from them anymore. Some lied and made me their third party.

    I tried to study even though I feel so depressed with my life. I really study hard to pass the CPA exam but I failed.

    I cannot take the continuous pain anymore so I left my country to work overseas. I thought it will heal me but then it crashed by broken spirit into tinier pieces. I was discriminated by my workmates for my race. My boss physically hit me with ruler and throw paper at me and shouts and humiliates me in the office. I was also asked to dig in the trashcan to find a paperwork. The agent that help me go there judged me for being weak and my cousin that stays there perverted me. I was also courted by old men from different nationalities and some car would stop to ask me to have a ride but I refuse and run home and lock myself in my room.

    I had the urge to leave that country because it didn’t gave me healing. It only gave me more wounds. Everyday I was crying on my own but people always perceive me as a hyper happy girl which doesn’t have any problem. They don’t know that I am dying inside.

    I went back in my country and I found gentleman guys who said they like me or even really crazy about me. But whenever I opened up myself to share these depression inside me, they left. I tried searching for jobs but I was rejected. I tried studying but lessons cannot be absorbed anymore because I feel like I cannot rise from depression anymore. I lost all my hope in finding someone who will romantically love me despite of my depression. I crave for a hug. For a holding hand who won’t let go. But I am too tired for everything. I am too tired to pretend to be happy. Too tired to be strong. Too tired to feel anything.

    I always pray but in almost 3 years of waiting, I haven’t healed yet. Everything that’s happening is a downfall. I cannot handle this life anymore. I was too used to this depression that I forget how to love, how to hope. How to feel. I always pray while crying. And now , my prayers cannot produce anymore tears because I am too tired of having no results since 2013. I feel so valueless. I feel unimportant. Unloved. Unappreciated. I used to be a president and a leader and I always motivate people but I cannot help myself. I wish that someone could help me just as much as I help others who were giving up on their life.

    I’m tired of giving. I want to receive my healing.

    Please make me feel I am not alone in this.

    • Sydney says:

      Try to take this in the right spirit –

      You are not going to get better unless you quit men for a while. As I see it. Take ownership of your happiness – No outside person can heal you or can give you the happiness you seek. You can do it.

      Take responsibility for your life. You only live once, this life you have now. Get help – consult a therapist, read a book, seek advice.

      But just know that no matter how great the teacher, the work will be done by you and success will come only by your own doing. Your own hard work.

      Make happiness your full time job. Look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy. My two cents.

      Read books on what you seek. Take charge of your desires and propel thembto fruition.

  86. V says:

    Loneliness is not a killer. Don’t say that. Loneliness can be hard but saying its a killer is extreme. That being said, it’s a real feeling everyone feels from time to time regardless of their situation and all we can do is be appreciative of everyone around us and all the beauty and safety we have. You are right when you say kindness can go a long way. It’s wisdom that is so easy to do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly so that conversations can be started and people can make sense of what they may be feeling.

  87. Criz-styl says:

    I want to say thank you Matt. I am a music artist that has been afraid to put my message out to the world because I wasn’t sure how people would feel about it and that I would be judged for not being a “hardcore” in the rap industry. I don’t care now. In my music I rap about pain, loneliness, struggle, things that you don’t normally hear in the rap world. I’ve held back for so long and watching this video gave me that reassurance that this IS what I’m meant to do. It’s my calling to let the world know that they are not alone. I am not alone. This loneliness that people feel is real and people shouldn’t feel like that and go through that pain or any pain in general.
    I agree along with the point of view that Kid Cudi has about the rap game and I know that my music is that change. I’m not afraid anymore. Im more inspired especially now after watching your video and understanding that I’m not alone in feeling alone.
    I posted a song that I personally recorded on my website ( a few days ago. I call it “True Story” I’m not a professional producer or sound engineer but i don’t think it’s that bad of work for a first timer. Hope you check it out. The message is what really matters. I hope that by sharing my story it can help at least one person make it through the rain.
    Thank you again Matt

  88. Mel says:

    Great clip – could absolutely identify with this . Even when I’ve had fantastic dates I’ve come home and felt lonely or just had those typical lonely moments when you want someone to phone or text and know one does – your fantastic Mattew keep on helping us xx

  89. Fi says:

    Hi Mat,
    What a coincidence …I have just told three friends…. separately that I am lonely.

    My ex hubby left January 2011 and since then I have missed that wonderful feeling of waking up to some one else and having a hug from someone I love
    And , after work , chatting over the day’s events with some one .
    I come home to an empty house…..and it would be lovely to come home to a cuddle for a change

    • Sydney says:

      Hi Fi,
      I’m sorry to hear that. It happened to me as well. The rejection was tough.

      But something I recently realized is that I am the master of my own life and my time and my energy and my attention. Especially when I’m single.

      I can choose what activities I do. I’m not accountable to any partner right now. I can shop for 4 hours, spend 3 hours picking out what to wear, leave my clothes on the bathroom floor, and floss my teeth for 2 hours if I really wanted to. Not saying I do any of those things, but the door of possibility is kind of wide open now, ya know?

      Also, I am discovering things about myself and preferences that I would have never known before. Like, for example. I have dolphins on my comforter. I cannot sleep on them. I have to reverse it and sleep on the plain side. I would not have questioned such a thing if I was sharing my room or if I was a guest in someone’s house. In my own space, I get to decide what to do and I am enjoying all of the comical things about myself, idiosyncrasies I never even knew I had.

  90. Julie says:

    Thank you so much for doing this video. This video makes me think a lot about peoples tendency to compare suffering. What another person brings to a relationship romantically or not may be quite as dire to them as the issue people believe to cause their loneliness.

    I have chased this idea of meeting “the one” because I am lonely. I don’t have many friends and those that I do have in my social network are living very far way which only adds to my desire to spend time with others nearby.

    I believe that a large part of the reason I am lonely is that I am disabled. Romantically men tend to be intimidated to know about my Cerebral Palsy and how it impacts my life. I feel like men often make the mistake of believing that my disability is my life. Friendship wise it is hard to make new friends because my transportation network is lacking. If you can’t physically get to the places people are then your choices are limited.

    I do really enjoy being alone though as well. In my time alone I write which is hard to do at times when you are with others and not with your thoughts.

    I wanted to reach out today and say that there are people out there with disability who feel loneliness and they don’t talk about it. They don’t know how to approach people as a disabled person because they feel that others judge them. As a disabled person myself I can say that dating is hard sometimes, rejections and misunderstandings by people are discouraging.

    If you are disabled and or struggling with some personal aspect that you feel is the cause for you to feel lonely remember that to acknowledge the feeling is authentic if that is what you feel.

    I’m an open person and everything I do I approach as an authentic and genuine person who is willing to meet and talk to as many people as respond. I haven’t met “the one” yet myself but I know that he is someone who is equally as tireless in his search for me. My downfall is that the searching and not finding aspect is tiresome… Matt, maybe you could do a video on the importance of personal confidence and the search. I think sometimes we forget that the search is fun. Meeting new people is fun.

    I have a friend who is able bodied and having issues connecting with people because of lack of personal self confidence. She said that sometimes she forgets her value as a person. I gave her some musical inspiration that for me helps in times when my confidence wanes. I enjoy singing them at the top of my lungs and hearing myself say words of confidence and of joy helps me to embrace that feeling. My friend is a beautiful spirit and I just wish she could celebrate that more. I also wish I could put to words for her how she can celebrate herself even in the face of what I know she sometimes feels.

    Thank you again for sharing how you feel with all of us.

  91. suzy Sampson says:

    Thanks for sharing Matthew , it brought to mind the movie Lost in Translation … That awful feeling after a day of being immersed in other people’s lives (I’m a theatre director) when you go home or back to your hotel And there’s no one to share your thoughts observations or experiences with – the loneliness is resounding and bounces off the walls and leaves me feeling somehow inadequate or incomplete….. And hotel rooms are the loneliest places on the planet!

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How Not To Be Jealous Of His Past
How Not To Be Jealous Of His Past

It’s easy to feel jealous of our partner’s past, or even just sad that we weren’t a part of it....